Sunday, March 30, 2008

Sundays with Terrence: "The Thin Red Line" Quote of the Week

Each Sunday night, DiSaronno Blog will share with you a quotation from Terrence Malick's masterwork, "The Thin Red Line." This will be done in light of the emotionally edifying properties of these musings on life and death, beauty and wars, human suffering. That in mind, we present this week's quotation from "The Thin Red Line"...



Private Witt (pictured): [voice over] This great evil. Where does it come from? How'd it steal into the world? What seed, what root did it grow from? Who's doin' this? Who's killin' us? Robbing us of life and light. Mockin' us with the sight of what we might've known. Does our ruin benefit the earth? Does it help the grass to grow, the sun to shine? Is this darkness in you, too? Have you passed to this night?

Friday, March 28, 2008

Keepin it Real

Before DBlog turns into the butt of one of the many jokes on the "Stuff White People Like" Blog with our many praises for all this white people music, I just want to take a moment right here and keeps it real:

DiSaronno Concertgoer: Fuck Buttons

That's right shitheads, we are now in the original video content biz...

Live from DiSaronno, it's Fuck Buttons!



(Note: This is electro, and these guys are from the UK, which is in Europe).

Eurelectro Fridays

Hey you! Fukkk offf! Hailing from Germany, this guy packs a mean wallup into his beats. I hope he'll come over to the States to unleash his terrifying sounds upon us.


European Music Friday!

First, the Mojomatics. Typical of a good european band in that they have an awful, awful name and they're really well dressed. Two guys from Italy with a perfect blues/rock/swing sound (just like the early white stripes, before people realized the drummer was a chick), check out the video below or their myspace page, and if you likes, then find their first album for download here



Next, out of Sweden, is Murder By Guitar. Check out "I'm in Love with the Future" on their myspace page. No video to play here bc there aren't any on youtube, but i've included their album cover below because i love it and the t rex is nicely symbolic of how this band is always looking to the past as well as the future.



And finally, also out of Sweden, the Tough Alliance. This band will blow your mind because (i swear to god) they formed in 2003 and this video was in fact made in the last few years (and not in the 80s). Is Sweden really just like the 80s? Potentially people there look and dress like the blonde dancers in the Rick Roll video. I'm lost in thought now, just watch the video and discuss.

Happy Friday

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Overhead Outside Schiller's, Summer 2K7

"Hey man, you got a light?



So you wanna hear a crazy story? February 1999, I go down to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. That place is fucking dope. I get off the plane and head to my hotel and pick up some tree, you know, so I can smoke before I head over to my favorite blues bar. This Jamaican guy gives me a huge sack for about 40 bucks, I mean I'm talking about OUNCES! So I head to the bar, where I meet this smoking hot blonde, you know, and her father was this huge blues guy back in the day. Anyway, we're having a great time, getting to know each other. I'm sitting in the back balcony of the bar getting wrecked, you know, poppin' yellow parrots, smoking tubes. This girl asks if we can go back to my place, so we head over. She's rollin' up a BASEBALL bat of a spliff, and just then, [knock, knock, knock] the cops barge in! I toss my bag over the balcony, and it was almost empty anyway. The cop goes down to the lobby, finds the bag, and charges me with possession! So I get back to New York, I got this court hearing back in New Orleans, but I was going to get off, becuase you know why? My lawyer told me, they couldn't search my room! So I'm on the plane back to New Orleans a few months later, throwin' back vodka tonics, when the captain says the plane is having engine trouble and the flight is cancelled! I'm thinking, oh shit, I'm gonna miss my court date! So I get down to New Orleans the next day, and the judge hears me out. I got 10 days in jail to serve, but it was a delayed sentence or something. So yeah man, it was a great time. Hey, thanks for the light, enjoy your brunch!"



For Your Lunch Break

In observance of this year's most epic show (thus far), there will be no Lunch Break today. Please observe the flyer and eat in silence.

I will not even attempt to explain the magnitude of this party as it will only fall short of what it is. It should be apparent in the contents alone. If not, you simply do not deserve to eat your lunch today. Please dispose now and leave this blog immediately.

Finally, I welcome you to leave the most hurtful of comments about how I will not be attending this event because I am a worthless corporate tool. Anyone that can convince me to give up my priorities for a night will be greatly rewarded.

Actual David Lynch? Reall Funny. Fake YouTube David Lynch? Not So Much.

Hey YouTube, this shit fucking sucks. Why is it on the front page? Is fake David Lynch the nephew of a Google exec? WTF?

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

You Got the Touch!

People say that this blog is finished. That we're history. Well I've got news for the naysayers: we're not. Washed up? More like "washed and ready for the big dance!"


For Your Lunch Break

Fuck McCain. Fuck Obama. Fuck Clinton.

(wait until you're done with your lunch to hit play)



Yo soy la pequena Hillary Clinton!!

The World Has Spoken

After a week-long poll to determine the Hottest Vacay Spot for Summer 2K8, the people have spoken (by people I mean the 24 losers that still read this shit on a daily basis), and determined Cleveland to be the destination of choice. While we could praise this Midwestern shithole for being deemed America's most livable city by the Economist in 2005, having a booming steel industry, or sustaining three historically-horrible professional sports franchises, we here at the Dblog would instead like to offer this picture of Cleveland on fire (Disclaimer: this was the most controversial picture I could find on Google Images when searching various combinations of Cleveland, Cleveland Blows, I hate Cleveland, Cleveland Sucks, etc.)



So enjoy yourselves fools, because while you're burning in Cleveland this summer, I'll be sitting at my favorite restaurant on the boardwalk in Brighton Beach getting ignored by my servers as I curse Russians everywhere!

Classic Internets Content: The Pitchfork Review of The Flaming Lips' Zaireeka AKA A Foucauldian Archaelogy of DiSaronno Blog



Remember when Pitchfork was a nascent little website, offering a clever twist on your typical, summarily dictated record reviews? When other internets music sites / real life hipsters weren't too cool for school / it? Yeah, I didn't read it then either, but I did read this review about 4 years after it was published. If you're too lazy to click on the link, its a review of the Flaming Lips' weirdo concept album Zaireeka, which required that one play four CDs simultaneously. The reviewer can't afford four CD players, so he talks about that for a while and gives the album a "0.0". Never mind asking friends (if Pitchfork writers have any) for their CD players or anything like that. Fuck it, lets just write some shit, slap a zero on the score and call it a day.

Looking back, this guy's attitude (which evinces a total lack of effort combined with wordy self-righteousness and intentionally [?] shitty/pretentious writing) pretty much gave birth to DiSaronno Blog.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Fuck TRIMSPA!

So you say you want to shed those few extra pounds that have been hanging around since the holidays? Well, hold onto your butts America, because your hopes have been answered.

Gawker: Late to the Table and With Shitty Utensils

Gawker pathetically commented today on a story that was posted on the Times' "City Room" blog yesterday at 1 PM. What brilliant commentary took this supposedly major media blog 24 hours and 23 minutes to produce? Apparently the writer-subject of the story "sounds like an incredibly nice man."

Thumbs down.

For Your Lunch Break

Breakdancing. It's been around for a while. You've probably all fallen in love with it at one point in your lives and then forgotten about it because you suck so much. But I highly recommend you watch the following, as I have personally witnessed some of this action in Osaka (Lt. Carl Loveboops can attest), and the shit is ice cream.



Planet BBoy, launching on March 21st, is directed by Sundance Grand Jury Prize winning filmmaker Benson Lee. Catch it at Landmark Sunshine, NYC.

Morning Blog Post

Avenue A Street Fight:


Avenue A and 11th Street Fight from kwentrcek on Vimeo.

I think that is the dudes from Human Giant watching and commenting from the foreground.

Monday, March 24, 2008

For Your Lunch Break

Like Bush, Arnold never gets old. Rewind to the early 90's...



The Jerky Boys

Friday, March 21, 2008

Happiness Is a Warm Gin

Good (european music) Friday



The Hara Kee Rees hail from Germany and are at the forefront of a large European throwback garage rock scene that recently has stolen my heart. Reasons to love them include their "noose ties," their obviously bad German haircuts, the fact that one member plays the organ, and how much they make you wanna dance like it's 1965 in Hamburg. It's a lousy live recording, but check out "Can't Stop Thinking About You" below and some of the songs on their website.


Another top pick from this genre is the (unfortunately named) Curlee Wurlee! out of France. Bonus: the organ player in this group is the female lead singer. Check out "Make You Cry" on their myspace page, and find their album available for download here.

Who Needs a Radio Show When You Have Youtube?



This video has reaffirmed that all good things come from Sweden.

In other news, it looks like DiSaronno Blog is again mixing things up in the internets world! Hey Giant Show, you know what would help your new show? A good start would be to understand good comedy when you see it.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

DiSaronno Gourmand Presents: Soy Sauce and Wasabi: The Video User's Guide

NEWSFLASH: The Giant Show SUCKS

In honor of the NCAA tournament beginning today, most blogs and websites are choosing to honor this annual sporting event with intense overexposure. During my daily surfing of the internets in lieu of doing actual work this morning, I stumbled across a hastily-organized spoof on America's obsession with the tournament. The fools over at the Giant Show have morphed March Madness into March Sadness, a bracket filled with 64 sad happenings throughout history.

While some of the rankings appear valid (AIDS and the Holocaust both garnering #1 seeds), the creators should have used some oversight with others (John Lennnon's death sadder than MLK's or Lincoln's?). Now I know this idea is really morbid and debating the merits of their choices is even more disturbing, but my colleagues MJ and Tony Ratslayer were as equally appalled by the omission of such occurrences as African Genocide or Tibet. Colonialism? Does the name Matthew Shepherd ring a bell? Oh wait, what about slavery? Yeah you're right, I guess Britney Spears going crazy was much sadder than hundreds of years of forced servitude. My bad.

For Your Lunch Break

Today is the day before Good Friday. And not only did God give his only begotten son, but he also created this dope ass sampler.



Akai MPC-5000.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Livewestcoastphotoblogging Part II: Napa Valley Has Vines, Sheep, Gyrocopters

[click to enlarge]





Tough Questions for Weak Writers

Rumors abound on the internets about this blog. Have we gone under? Do we still have what it takes to report about the street-smart subjects of Jenkem and such? Not on my watch. We here are commited to asking the tough questions, getting the sordid answers, and digging our hands into the garbage of the internets to find that one perfect jewel that you can wipe off and email to your sweetheart. We are scrappy fighters who listen to soft folk music every now and then.


Changing Your Name Is So 1993

Making diplomatic moves that will surely change the face of American politics forever, Idaho Senate candidate Marvin Richardson (aka Marvin Pro-Life Richardson aka Marvin "I Want to be in the News" Richardson) has opted to legally change his name to Pro-Life.

Inspired by the prurient dealings of Senator Larry Craig, Pro-Life intends to add a great deal of confusion to the upcoming Senate race among those that can't discern between a name and a political platform.

Little did Pro-Life know that he hasn't been the first politically-motivated American to change his name. No, no, no. Brian James Hellwig (aka The Ultimate Warrior) legally changed his name to Warrior in 1993, ostensibly in an attempt to be taken more seriously by the American public.

Judging by the sane entries on Warrior's blog, I think he made the right choice.

I flunked phy-ed so now I'm stuck in this stupid quantum physics class!



At first I thought this would be an easy one, but the more I think about it, it is.

Hipsters in Georgia?

Who woulda thunk they went together so well? I mean, both like PBR, mesh hats, a skinny, wornin pair of denims (note: not called jeans) from Levi Strauss, John Deere tractors, old-school sneakers, and deep friend treats. They differ in their cultural tolerance and feelings on the French. Regardless, both groups no doubt had some hand in the making of this video:



Well do to both of you, hipsters and The South.

For Your Lunch Break

Who would have thought but Mix Master Mike?



Robert Johnson meets Dead Prez.

Moment of Reverence for Musical Genius

Most people know Rick Astley as the whitest man with the blackest voice in the history of music. Others respect this native of England for his dapper looks and perfectly-coiffed red hair. Any way you slice it, this deep-voiced British muse will forever hold a place in the hearts of all resilient lovers for his uplifting message, sassy stage-presence and clear reverence for Robert Stack's sense of fashion


Who Will Save DiSaronno Blog??? Sluts.

This photo spread of Eliot Spitzer's prostitute, Ashley Dupré, doing a Girls Gone Wild something or other should give us the Google image search hits we need to stay alive. It should also give us the inspiration we need to get through the rest of the day.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Does Anybody Read This Shit Anymore?

Nokia Morph Concept Phone

Rarely is a concept consumer product actually difficult to conceptualize. Nokia's new idea of a phone will blow you out of your seat if you even come close to comprehending what this means for the average consumer. It's like trying to explain projectile motion to a mere child.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Friday, March 14, 2008

Brooklyn Street Art, friday afternoon walk edition


Just saw this over on President Street near Van Brunt, not sure if that's Red Hook or Cobble Hill but i'm feelin it.

Restaurant Review - Good World Bar



My first trip to the Good World Bar was not for food. In fact, I was not even aware they served food till my second visit. It was my third trip when I finally muscled up the courage to order the Swedish Meatballs. Next week, I tried the Sunday Dinner. After that, the Venison Sausage. All three have changed my life. While their fish dishes can be somewhat bland (this is Scandinavian fare, after all), the meat and potato-type entrees are unbeatable. Add to that a formidable beer selection, a wine menu that holds its own, and a selection of aquavit's, and you have a winning combination. As an added bonus, the outdoor tables are a delightful treat during the summer.

Overheard During a Pretentious Email Sequence

"That reminds me of this small island paradise in French Polynesia. It had the best fresh spring water I have ever tasted. I can no longer drink water."

Restaurant Review - Grace

This fantastic TriBeCa establishment is a must-visit for anyone playing hooky today. The BBQ Pulled Duck Sandwich is a must. Open till 4AM, Grace never fails to dissapoint those late night snack attacks for all sorts of downtown nightlifers. Grace: you're going to like the way it tastes. I guarantee it.*












*Patent pending for the Men's Steakhouse.

Hipster Workout

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Best DBlog Ad: The Winner

Doesn't matter that it wasn't on the ballot:

Diversity Assessment: Diversity assessment solutions customized for your organization.

Even mindless technology can deduce the demograph of Dblog writers/readers.

Rumble in Staten Island!

Check out gothamist's emergency map, you'll notice at 4:19pm there was a "car vs. building" incident in Staten Island. Thunderdome, or lawsuit?

Hillary supporters sing racist chant



Besides the unbearable fucking lameness of this video, the part where say they don't need "no bling" because they have "the real thing" is a racist shot at Obama, if you ask me.

Props to omnipresent New York media fixture Neel Shah for obtaining this video and then compounding the bigotry by making a homophobic comment on it.

For Your Lunch Break



Enjoy your lunch break.

Moment of Culture for You Monkeys

For many years, Saul Williams has distinguished himself as one of the most prolific slam poets around. Breaking into more mainstream music in recent years through collaborations with NIN and Zack de la Rocha among others, he has become more widely known in popular culture. Recently, Nike began using his song List of Demands in their newest marketing campaign. While Williams has gained wider acclaim in the public eye, I would like to offer up his 1998 performance of Ohm as possibly his finest work and arguably the greatest slam poem of all time. Enjoy:


DiSaronno Blog Policy Announcement: No More Posts About Spitzer and No Posts About 'Kristen'

The whole thing is the stuff of human tragedy and not appropriate source material for internets comedy.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

do YOU know how to Jamaican Ska?

While we are all now privy to the cinematic masterpieces from 1984, the year 1987 held another surprise for us. Back to the Beach is a great little movie to watch when you're wondering what people look like when they are not on drugs but pretend to be on drugs. I was a little skeptical, but come on. Annette Funicello, Fishbone AND Peewee Herman? I'm sold!


TODAY in shitty shit on the internets

This is all you have for me? Thanks a lot America...

Overhead in the Office Today

"[absolutely no conversation in the office today]"

"Fatless Shrugged"





This looks a lot like "Toast" French, the world's fastest clapper.

Live-Blogging Experiment

I was really bored yesterday afternoon, so I decided to start keeping a log of what my co-workers do during the day. This case study has proved utterly fascinating. Enjoy and check back for periodic updates:

3/11/08

2:00-2:35 pm - Office-mate talking with new secretary (lots of laughter so they’re probably discussing salads)

3:15 pm - I inform her that 1 in 4 teenage American girls have an STD. Go on to say that everyone has a trace of herpes in their systems. She boldly states she has no herpes, then stares out the window in a reflective manner. I inquire no further.

4:17 pm - “I need chocolate right now. I have to have chocolate right now.”

4:35 pm - return from chocolate excursion with secretary (appears content)




3/12/08

10:15-10:20 am - Orders gift basket for friend that works at Deutsche Bank. Makes sure to over-pronounce Deutsche. Asks for a small basket because she apparently received a similar one herself on Valentines Day, and it was too much. Caramel Creams discussed. “That was almost too much treats for me.” (hold in laughter and poop my pants a little bit)


10:40 am - I blow my nose really loud. I’m met with an immediate death glare.

10:55 am - Makes a comment about my second cup of coffee of the morning. I pray the caffeine will kill me.



11:20 - 11:53 am - Pep talk from my boss. Talk about heat, natural gas, and air-conditioning. HVAC is used repeatedly. Transition to basketball jargon and personal health/fitness. Co-worker remains quiet for 15 minutes. She pipes in about yoga to confirm that she is very athletic. I tell her I only run when I’m afraid. Boss laughs, she doesn’t.



12:01 pm - Calls local deli to inquire about what soups are on the menu today. Says “ok” and “mmhmm” after every soup is named (12 times). Immediately goes to inform secretary of her new knowledge. Secretary is excited!! (I’m secretly intrigued by what soups are on the menu. Stab my thigh with a pencil to make the thought go away).

12:56 pm - Arabic guy brings me some papers. He smells like Drakkar Noir. I'm intrigued.

1:14 pm - Loud crunching coming from the other side of the partition. I think someone's eating a cookie. Oh no, that'll be HOURS on the elliptical to work off!!

1:32 pm - Awkward elevator conversation with random woman from my floor. "Well, we don't have a governor anymore" (really loud at first but then trailing off into a whisper). five second pause "Yeah, I can't believe it." five second pause "He will be missed."

2:15 pm - everyone obtaining a marriage certificate is either completely over-dressed or under-dressed. Think prom dress or tracksuit.

2:45 pm - hey look, a rat in the Canal Street subway station

2:47 pm - wow, that's a full used diaper on the subway platform. Great!

4:07 pm - forwarded an article about a woman who sat on a toilet for 2 years. Amused and EXCITED! Office-mate talking with secretary again. I assume topic pertains to something feminine, like an itch

5:23 pm - have a loud cellular telephone conversation with a close friendo. Office-mate seems perturbed I didn't send out the last work-related email. I contemplate growing a moustache momentarily but then denounce the idea as ludicrous in the present moment. Maybe this summer. Maybe

So You Want to Move Some Product?

If you want to sell absolutely anything, you should have a professional wrestler as your pitch-man. Surefire way to guarantee fiscal success. Don't believe me? Check out these inspirational ads and tell me you're not intrigued. (Disclaimer: I watch a lot of television between 3am and 7am )


Best $24.95 I never spent!




Taste was FANTASTIC (but I couldn't get my face on a can unfortunately)




I bet the tobacco company was none too pleased, but I did quit smoking right away!!




Satiated my hunger immediately!!




Oh those silly Japanese!!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Yep...

Top 5 Non-Video Game Toys From the Early '90s

Because really, who wouldn't put Nintendo/Sega Genesis/Super Nintendo/Gameboy/Video Game Watches on this list. We needed a little more diversity.

5. Micro Machines: Perfect tiny little cars that were smaller than Hot Wheels, so they were easily lost. Also, who could forget this fast-talking guy on the Micro Machines commercial?



4. Skip-it: The fact that this was popular is further proof that children often behave in a similar manner to someone who is stoned. Flashing lights, repetitive jumping, and an ankle monitor? Sounds like something invented by this guy.




3. G.I. Joe: Really, this spot goes to several action figures (Battle Beasts Voltron, and T.M.N.T. among others). Some of these were not from the early '90s, but still deserve credit for making so many boys play with "action figures" that were really just dolls disguised as tough looking characters. Regardless, they were a lot of fun.



2. Koosh Balls : Really, who didn't have one of these? Who ever thought that a day-glow, rubber-tentacled version of a simple ball could infatuate so many people? It did have two drawbacks: (1) when wet, the rubber filaments would stick together; and (2) the rubber filaments would often get stretched out, thus becoming nonuniform in length.


1. Nerf Gun (any type): It was always so much fun annoying your friends by repeatedly shooting the Nerf darts at them, knowing very well that you could not hurt them, but you could drive them to want to hurt you. The drawback was that the darts would often get bent, and thus shooting accuracy was compromised.

Newsflash America!

American teenage girls are WHORES! With the proliferation of STD's in our modern society, maybe we should revert back to older standards and employ some markers for sin. I mean the Romans used to cut off noses and ears to disgrace those that had previously wronged. I know I would personally appreciate it if ladies with cooter critters were more easily detectable in public. A man can dream, a man can only dream.


A Haiku in Support of Governor Spitzer

Hold on now, New York!
It's fine to have DC sluts
Tickle your penis

Isn't Nature Amazing?



Can't decide if spiders are more or less scary after that video.

Special delivery for a Mr. J. Sidney McCain!

Bring it America!

Monday, March 10, 2008

Sweet Brazilian Song

Listen to this here musics!

Kristof Uses Bigoted Term in Column Denouncing Bigotry



Nick Kristof, in yesterday's Times:

Americans have typically said in polls that they are less willing to vote for a woman than a black, and Shirley Chisholm (a black woman who ran for president in 1972) always said that she encountered more prejudice because of her sex than her race.

"A black"? Seriously?

Pick Me Up Monday

Because who doesn't like ghosts, robots, humorous animations on real film, and children singing?



Up to my affiliate Trav15 for this one.

Party Like a Rockstar (or a Governor)!



"Emperors’ Club model introduction fees directly correlate to the quality of our model companions. Each model’s respective introduction fee has been placed on her page and is symbolized by the number of diamonds on her page. Beginning with three diamonds at $1,000 or £500 and escalating beyond $2,100 or £1,050 at six diamonds, fees vary according to individual education, sophistication, and ambiance created by each of our models."

"Talk to my man Eliot Spitzer. He will hook you up with a top quality hooker."



A nice counterpart to the recent Hillary/Chelsea caption contest. Luigi can no longer claim this is a sexist blog.

You Want to Fight?

Two questions come immediately to mind:

1) Why was this informational video filmed in a restaurant?

(possible answer: you never know where a fight is going to break out)

2) Are sound effects really important during fighting?

(possible answer: absolutely)


Anyone looking for a gym membership?

I am trying to sell my New York Health and Racquet Club membership. I've fulfilled my personal workout and self-improvement goals so I don't need it anymore.

Before There Was Borat...

There was The Continental:


via videosift.com

Ni-ice!

Sunday, March 9, 2008

"I think the hook up for my boat to the four wheeler's in the shed...i'd rather kiss you long and thoughful on those thick lips"




Hey! Remember when everybody loved to make fun of mullets? Guess what? It's still funny, just not quite as popular. I figured I'd give the "hairstyle of the gods" a shout out, since it's been so good to me through the years (i.e., the three days I had a mullet in high school... and then another three days in college). So go on and relive it. Feel free to share your favorite mullet.

Pouteeeen The Threat: Act Three

All of a sudden they just decide to set up a bomb that tries to explode the whole world.

D: Dude Let's try to make up a bomb that explodes the whole world and see what happens.

E: Girl. Not sure about that. It seems pretty drastic. Really drast--

D: Too bad man. Too bad. I've already made this happen and I've got the C4 to have a damn good fireworks extravaganza.

E: Not on Bond Street. Not on Bond Street. The architecture is way too bad man. It would be too appropriate.

D: You're right. Let's just make out hardcore.

(They make out for a few minutes while cars collide and explode and random gangs infiltrate various buildings along B. Street.)


E: You're awesome, But I've got to deal. Let's jet off to Bangkok, score some guns, buy a car in Europe and just take New York by storm.

D: Good call. I don't know why I never knew you before but you might be a genius. Or very close to a rapper I once knew.

E: Let's go. Let's go.

(They fade away into the fog covering Bond street, and the yellow of a taxi can be seen picking them up and carrying them away.)

Friday, March 7, 2008

Just Plain Awesome

Take a break from Luigi Disaronno's rants that no one ever reads and watch this great video!


Mentos Boosts Confidence With Ladies - Watch more free videos

Gawker Accellerates Descent to Right Wing Mouthpiece Status

Gawker Headine: "The Terrorists Win: Harvard Bows Five Times (And Once More To Be Safe) To Pressure From Muslim Students"

Gawker links to an op-ed in the Boston Herald that jumps on this "news" as an opportunity to complain about Harvard's track record of allowing famous Muslims to say bad things at the Kennedy School and even, gasp, take money from rich Muslims. An article in the same newspaper covers the "news" story with which the original Gawker "post" was concerned and clarifies as follows:

"The policy only applies to one gym.... Because of its location at the edge of campus, it is the university's least used gym...

"The women-only hours are of minimal inconvenience because they are just six out of the 70 hours a week the gym is open..."

Nick Denton's no poor/dummy; he knows that details such as these can get in the way of a well thought out agenda.

Credit for these quotes goes to Gawker commenter "La Cieca," who notably asks, "Since when did Gawker turn into fark.com?"

UPDATE:

DiSaronno Paparrozzo Blind Item: "Which big-domed gossip blog mogul and university-hating right-wing firebrand were spotted canoodling together in the public sex part of Central Park (that's the north part)?"

Answer: Nick Denton and David Horowitz

Thursday, March 6, 2008

DiSaronno Paparrazzo



Law & Order: SVU shoot

Spotted 3/6 on 2nd St. b/w 2nd and Bowery

Mixtape battle! Holy shit!

The members of the He Man Woman Haters have formed teams and created two mixtapes to battle it out. It's a classic match up of New Yorkers vs. Non-New Yorkers. Please take two hours out of your day, give a listen, and cast your vote. Whose poutine will reign supreme?

This Just In America

It seems our sometimes-loveable leader Luigi DiSaronno was picked up in the wee hours earlier this morning tooling around Alphabet City in a personalized go-cart (definitely not street-legal according to a proud Luigi during the ensuing police investigation). Preliminary tests preformed by members of the NYPD revealed that Sir DiSaronno, as he demanded to be called on repeated slurred occasions, had imbibed too many spirits earlier in the evening. Our credible sources here at the Dblog have a solid theory concerning the cause of his downward spiral: the drink that bears his very own surname!

A preliminary statement prepared by the DiSaronno family disavows any affiliation with Luigi, who had previously been picked up in connection with several other incidents under his alias Carl Brutananadilewski. We’ll keep you posted America as we try to sort through the sordid details at our corporate headquarters . . .


"when santa has whiskey dick, who will come down the chimneys of all the children??," or "aw yeah baby, who wants to be santa's little helper?"



The best caption wins the title of this post. The worst caption wins a romantic night with Santa.

Update: It's a tie! This historic event will be celebrated by the co-winners co-headlining the post title in true Rocky and Bullwinkle form.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

MKULTRA: Conspiracy Theory, or Great Song?

Are you sick of all the bad news coming out of Washington these days? Are you looking for something good to come out of the Capitol? Do you have a fetish for videos where identical twin singers gets abducted as part of a government experiment? Exit Clov is here to help:

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Musical Stimulation

What does this video



have to say? I think it says, "Listen to Casual Sax."

White people being really white

There may very well be nothing whiter than ghost-riding a DeLorean, except of course the movie Powder. Regardless, the guy with the prosthetic leg definitely has us wishing we could travel back to the future


Ugh! Enough Cougars

Ok, ha ha, funny for a while. Cougars are hot, blah blah blah. It's getting annoying and a little scary to say the least. There is a new sitcom following on the heels of The Real Housewives of Orange County, except this one is set in New York. Honestly, I have had enough botox and collagen. I have seen enough wrinkles. I am most annoyed by the endless supply of shit these women waste money on. And, know what? They're not sexy. Yeah, I said it. There's just some level of tautness a 19 year-old can pull off that waved bye-bye to the cougars decades ago. It takes a show like this to turn a budding terrorist into the American-hating ticking time bomb we all know and love.

Film Commentary

1986 promised to be a year of cinematic gems on the silver screen, but turned out to give us nothing more than fool's gold (too view things with less value than fool's gold, please see wikipedia page for the upcoming Matthew McConaughey film). Two films, however, stand out like roses in a crop of weeds. These two movies are Big Trouble In Little China and The Golden Child.

Both films had a prominent lead actor, with Kurt Russel as Jack Burton in BTILC and Eddie Murphy in TGC. Neither was the first choice for their role, with studios wanting to stars Jack Nicholson and Mel Gibson, respectively, for the roles. Despite not getting their first picks, the directors were able to compensate by making the lead character learn about differing cultures:






Both films also feature Victor Wong in his usual character of the wise old man. And, let's not forget about the amazing special effects in each film!





So which movie is better? My vote is for BTILC; if not for the superior story line, well practiced choreography, John Wayne-inspired lead character, and the resulting video game, at least for director John Carpenter's great job with the soundtrack:







But you don't have to take my word for it, which film do you like more?

Monday, March 3, 2008

Gawker: Older, Fox-ier


"Denton or Murdoch?"

The last two times that I took on the once-funny-now-illiterate media internets site Gawker, I criticized it (1) for an apparent reason and (2) for pretending it still matters when a TV show airs.

Well ever since a geriatric business enterprise mogul took over as head writer, I knew it would only be a matter of time before Gawker's colors stopped running and this golden egg of a "Love it or Leave it!" type headline dropped in my lap. Seriously though Nick, leave the cheap swipes at naive actresses and "the French" for Bill O'Reilly and other wrong-kind-of-white-people. They are better at it than you. I'm outraged by the outrage.

Cartoons Really Are Informative!!

Pasted to my couch on Saturday afternoon nursing one hangover while I started creating another, I spent more than a disgusting amount of time watching television this weekend. Sick of election updates, meaningless sporting contests, and the third showing of Con Air on TNT, I decided to explore my DVR and study up on the profound lessons taught by cartoons. Needless to say, AQTF taught me valuable lessons about not only the real estate market but also about complex technologies and good singing. Enjoy a sample of some of the valuable lessons learned:


1)Lesson learned? Asians are shrewd hagglers when it comes to purchasing property:



2)Lesson learned? Robots don't like water:



3) Lesson learned? Jon Kruk is not a good singer . . . and he used to have a sick mullet.

Brooklyn Overheard, Smith Street "I'm-Gonna-Set-Your-Son-On-Fire" edition

"Remember when I flicked my cigarette into that baby stroller? HAHA"

-Yupster girl (The laugh was a passerby, me)