Thursday, March 6, 2008

This Just In America

It seems our sometimes-loveable leader Luigi DiSaronno was picked up in the wee hours earlier this morning tooling around Alphabet City in a personalized go-cart (definitely not street-legal according to a proud Luigi during the ensuing police investigation). Preliminary tests preformed by members of the NYPD revealed that Sir DiSaronno, as he demanded to be called on repeated slurred occasions, had imbibed too many spirits earlier in the evening. Our credible sources here at the Dblog have a solid theory concerning the cause of his downward spiral: the drink that bears his very own surname!

A preliminary statement prepared by the DiSaronno family disavows any affiliation with Luigi, who had previously been picked up in connection with several other incidents under his alias Carl Brutananadilewski. We’ll keep you posted America as we try to sort through the sordid details at our corporate headquarters . . .

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

How embarassing. What kind of conduct is this for a standard-bearer of a centuries-old institution? It just shows how pathetic is DiSaronno and everything associated with it. You will never find me, Felix Goldschläger, bringing disgrace to my family name and illustrious brand in this way. Shame on you, Luigi. Clean yourself up and get a life, then I will maybe consider you a worthy opponent and waste my time giving your shit a good licking.

Your arch-nemesis,
Felix Goldschläger, Esq.