Keep on trucking with the poll

Come on you fux, start voting, there are only 58 days left to finalize how your daily commute makes you feel!

I bet your daily commute could be a lot worse. You could be a man/woman on the move, with no set commute, just a traveling salesman selling your snake oil to the unsuspecting disaronno addicts. Make a nickel how you can, then say goodbye, promise to write, and throw on a pair of shades so that the same old town doesn't see the misty buildup in your eye. It could be that every time you bid your adieu, you feel like a decrepit, forgotten low-budget recording of a sad sad song.



I bet in a few years, if you try to settle down on the road, your commute could get very exciting. Become a trucker, so that you bring your home with you, wherever you go. Who needs a house when you have a good hammock in the back of trailer? All you need is the good hammock in the back of the trailer for good your lady, a gas station that sells 5 hour energy (or the good stuff if it were pre-1970). You power through, because no one can stop you, and your blood courses thicker than a mere mortal. Your veins may be popping out of your neck, but who gives a shit, because they are filled with blue gold (and your arteries red gold, and you know that because in Sassafras Falls there was a pharmacist that explained the difference to you). And you don't care that your truck is on fire, going 90mph the wrong way down a one-way street, because you are powering through on the night train:



And then you're all grown up. It's the 1980s, and you are flying high, both pharmacologically and financially, and you don't give a shit because you don't commute; people commute to you. And then you meet someone special that you care about. You woo her. And then all of a sudden something bad goes down, not with her, but with farmacological phinance. You have to put down your White Horse on the rocks with a chaser of white horse, you roll up the sleeves to your silk azure armani, and you say fuck this; it's time to pull out the shotgun and put a hole in someone's chest. You consigliere, a meathead named Biff from Fort Lauderdale, drives up in a mustang, top down, and you head to the office. And then things don't go too well. You sit back down in the car, while Biff speeds away, and your lap slowly accumulates a puddle of blood. Biff screeches around corners, fuck youing and shtting at every corner, and you are silent, and the hourglass of fate pours blood from your once blue veins (and red arteries) into Biff's mustang. It's then that you wonder. Who's going to drive you home tonight? Where is home?



In conclusion, I bet your commute could be worse.

A Look Back at the 90's: Evan Dando

Back in 94, Evan Dando was unable to sing at several concerts because of an overindulgence in crack (here's a great interview explaining in detail his problems). I wonder what this video is about then?




It's not European, and it's not electro, but what the fuck. The good ol' US of A makes some good songs too.

DiSaronno Paparazzo

Spotted: (former) CNN journalist Richard Quest sitting on a street couch Saturday night, the day after his rather embarrassing arrest in Central Park for some breed of public auto erotic asphyxia. According to our spy, Mr. Quest was on the couch outside a gay bar in the East Village, looking sober and somber, conversing with a homeless person sitting next to him.

Earn Some Extra Cash

Spotted in Williamsburg (thanks to gowanus lounge). Am I a "healthy meth user"? Just look how spotless my apartment is.

NSFW

Spank Rock & Benny Blanco - "Loose."

Isn't Nature Amazing?

Can't decide if spiders are more or less scary after that video.

Ohhh man, this x is giving me crazy visuals right now

New Product for the Kids

As a way to ease children into a magical adulthood riddled with substance abuse, ILoveBlow is attempting to corner the market with a revolutionary energy drink. What other product can take you through the motions of doing drugs without the hastle of heart palpitations, intense sweating, and jaw grinding? None!! If offering valuable years of practice weren't enough, the makers of ILoveBlow still find the time to offer service with a smile. Don't believe me, then just check out their automated voice message:

"If you're calling to complain about how blatantly and socially irresponsible we are, hang up, get off your knees, and pray for our souls."


Wow, practical and courteous! That's what I call a business.

For the Kids

If you're like me, you've probably considered smoking crack at some point in your life. All the cool kids are doing it, right? Wrong. Just ask one credible source: Pee Wee Herman. If you can't trust an honest, respectable Hollywood icon, then who can you trust?

Newsflash: DON'T DO DRUGS

Unless of course you're an inverted centaur:

Meth X

I think
this is what may explain