Friday, February 29, 2008

Greatest Drinker of Our Era?

Wade Boggs, Andre the Giant, and Gary Busey were already legends . . . before we found out about their precocious drinking habits. After delving deeper into their lurid backgrounds, it's tough to tell who was the most outstanding alcoholic. You be the judge America.


The Giant:


Rules Are Boring

Remember the good old days, when Taco Bell didn't have to worry about silly little "health department violations" for "rat infestations?" Well, I sure do. Nothing like a little TB to start your Saturday feeling fresh and fit. Back then, people didn't have to follow "the rules." You could still be considered a non-conformist, even though you were eating at one of the most popular food chains in the nation. But it didn't matter, because they still had three types of crispy tacos. Yep, those were the days.


Very few songs have the ability to resonate with me so much that my bones rattle. While this is not one such song, I do admire the ability of Hank Williams (Jr.) to corner the Monday Night Football theme song market for nearly a decade (maybe a little less). Another interesting fact about this man? In 2006 he was arrested for the alledged assult of a woman in a Memphis hotel room. The case was later dropped. Another interesting fact about this man? He once broke every bone in his face during a freak mountain climbing accident. His brain was exposed to the open air. All the king's horses and all the king's men were eventually (9 surgeries later) able to put Hank together again.

Another Blog That Is Better Than This One

Grocery Eats is a blog that celebrates food by doing crazy shit with it and then eating it. Two examples of notes here are the BigMacChicken which is a low-carb combination of 3 McChicken sandwiches and one Big Mac, both from McDonald's. The photo below it is of a White Castle Burger being deep fried. Sounds amazing.

Check out the blog. While we here at Disaronno blog are sitting on our asses writing about other blogs, these guys are actually out there in the world doing something.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

NYMag Hates Saving The Environment

According to New York Magazine's latest approval matrix, its writers think it's "despicable" to help the environment:

Shame on you, London, for trying to cut down on consumer waste. If we stop using disposable water bottles, what will we float on when the polar ice caps melt?

Darfur Victims Have Nothing On Joanna Cutler

I do not know how I am able to sleep at night when innocent rich people are suffering horrific inconveniences at the Plaza Hotel. How can the world just go about its day when Joanna Cutler was kept from her earthly conveniences for hours. I shed a tear for this poor woman and call for someone to set up some kind of fund in her name to prevent this from happening to any other idiots in the future.

I also weep for something else. I weep for the paper, ink and energy used to write, print and deliver this story no one could possible give a shit about.

My wife, who's I-talian, got four DiSaronno bottles. She's classy like that.

Fuck the last picture, this one is way better.

Di Saronno Muckraker: Barrelling Down the Memory Hole

The New York Observer is a minor paper, and fitfully so. Whatever the retraction policies of its print edition, its Real Estate blog clearly lacks integrity on this front. It has failed to properly notify the public of a retraction, perhaps ignorant of the power of internets magic to unearth their manipulative deception.

Compare this post about Parker Posey selling her East Tenth Street apartment and moving to 30 Fifth Avenue with this google cache of the same page. The key difference is the following sentence:

"Surmounting the real estate slump and the writer's strike to move uptown... sounds like the stuff of Hollywood."

Clearly this "Real Estate blogger" knows nothing of NYC geography and is incapable of using finding an address on a map. 30 Fifth Avenue is at the intersection of Fifth Avenue and Tenth Street, you Real Estate Retard. Clearly the Observer has realized their mistake, but their failure to print a retraction only compounds my outrage. Parker Posey moved crosstown, yes, but nary a block uptown. Consider yourself DiSaronno Muckraked, Observer.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

When "The Dog's" Away, The Ice(heads) Come Out to Play

More than ever, crime in the 50th state has become more disgusting than an Ala Wai Canal cesspool after a flood. Violent crime is on the rise, as witnessed by a man trying to throw a security guard out of a 26th floor apartment. What could cause this spike in crime? No, it's not the warm weather. On the contrary, it's caused by ice. Apparently the following public service announcement did not reach Hawaii:

What does Hawaii need to combat this problem? Hawaii needs the hoarse words of wisdom of America's favorite bounty hunter. Yes, Duane Chapman's unique blend of tough justice, compassionate proselytism, and excessive cigarette smoking once graced the islands, and criminals were able to learn from their mistakes.

However, The Dog has been through some self-inflicted adversity. His comments brought on well-deserved castigation, causing A & E to cancel his show. The Dog was put in the position that his fugitives face, and was presented with the arduous task of achieving redemption through learning from his sins.

Luckily for Mr. Chapman, there were people who saw through his character flaws and were willing to give him a shot to regain his good name. It appears as though a growing number of people believe that he has changed. Perhaps more accurately, it should be recognized that Mr. Chapman's years and years of work repairing damaged communities in Hawaii and Colorado are a testament to the man's commitment towards social harmony.

It appears that A & E has undergone some change itself. The network has decided to give Mr. Chapman a second chance, once again unleashing the "Dog 'do" in the Sandwich Islands. Hopefully, Dog and his family-based team of bounty hunters can help teach some of the more troubled Hawaii residents that there is much merit to the term "cook rice, not ice."

Daily Dose of Tomfoolery

Don't mess with the bull unless you want the horns people:

YouTube can't fix your washing machine

good thing you don't have one! but i do, in addition to a dryer and dishwasher and dinosaur egg incubator (what can i say, brooklyn is cheap). I was doing a free load of laundry in my apartment when I noticed extra water remained in the washing machine after a cycle. I googled around for an explanation/solution and stumbled across this website, which warranted my public dissemination. It's called fixya, and you can search it for a particular electronic item you're having trouble with (e.g. the model of your cell phone or espresso machine), or you can search for a problem that needs fixing (I typed in "washing machine clothes still wet"). There are "experts" who provide solutions to various problems, and it appears you can post new problems to get fixed. Now don't say i never gave you nothin!

oh, and I don't know what about the discharge makes it "funny."

Gary Busey Doesn't Do Shout-Outs

But he's still a winner in my book!

Barack Obama: A Good Internets Celebrity

George W. Bush has been a terrible president, perhaps the terriblest. But he makes an outstanding internets celebrity. So the question arises: how does Barack Obama stack up as an internets celebrity? So far, the answer appears to be: quite well [internets webpage, internets video].

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

NOW That's What I Call DiSaronno Blog 1!

If there's anything that DiSaronno Blog is truly about, it's the alien forners and their electro-pop. With that in mind, DiSaronno Blog presents the first of its many instantiations in album form:

Track 1 - Robyn (Sweden) - Konichiwa Bitches

Track 2 - MC Leozinho featuring DJ Marlboro (Brazil) - Se Ela Dança eu Danço

Track 3 - Gameboy/Gamegirl (Australia) - Golden Ghetto Sex

Track 4 - Yelle (La France) - A Cause des Garçons (Tepr Remix)

Track 5 - Hanayo (Japan) - Joe Le Taxi

Track 6 - Amari (Italy) - Le Gite Fuori Porta

Track 7 - Muscles (Australia) - Sweaty

In Cougar News...

Some magazine I've never read nor cared about called More became my hero recently, kind of. It hosted a Fashion contest for real live cougars. Hot ones. I didn't really read the article about the show or the winner. I was busy trying to find more photos like this one. If anyone finds any photos or slide shows from this show, please post them in the comments section of this post. By the way, these chicks are 40+; they could own any of us.

"No Mom, DO NOT grab your nose. We'll be out of this crowd of brown Asians in a minute."

The winner so far... Keep 'em coming!

Tuesday Morning Caption Contest!

I thought this photo was cute.

Monday, February 25, 2008

You're Welcome PETA

DiSaronnoblog's official pro-beast ad:

Gawker endeavors to cover Television Media, but too lazy or stupid to use a TiVo.

"Tina Fey hosted the first post-strike SNL this weekend. We didn't watch, obv,
. . .
we just caught it online, the way everyone else will)."

If you just saw it on internets, it's not really Television Media, you stupid fucks.


What's up Canada's ass?

Whose guarantee is better?

George Zimmer vs. Justin ("Joostin") Wilson: two men with iconic style and panache. Men known for the cachet of their guarantee. But whose guarantee is better? So far, George Zimmer has gotten a lot of attention on this blog, and for good reason. But what about Wilson, the late PBS proto-celebrity chef and original ragin' Cajun? This guy had some serious style. He practically schooled Colonel Sanders in his own look of the string tie. Can we really forget about him?

I leave it to you to decide:

Just a Little Viral Video About Some Guy Cutting His Own Dick Off...

Who Am I?

I had a plum sized tumor removed from my nasal cavity.

I originally moved to Hollywood to pursue a music career with my band, The Rubber Band.

I have a son named Jake. He is an actor.

In December of 1988, I suffered a near fatal motorcycle accident. Doctors feared that the head injuries would give me permanent brain damage.

I once said that "drinking your own blood is the paradigm of recycling."

I am _______________ ?

Saturday, February 23, 2008

The Golden Blumpkin

Laah Laugh Poooteen Part V

They exit bond street after purchasing a property. then fucking light a bomb in the basment and blow that shit to piss.

they ask themselves, “is this even bond street”?

“ we c foured that building can’t wait to blow out let’s jet off to cleveland; I'm really getting into this lifestyle and they've got new airports there.”

“Nobody likes condos. Whites have eaten out the pussy of the lower east side. And it is now a hollow corpse.”

my broker is a gemini filthy scum. that’s why i can’t sleep at night without burning newspapers . I hate eating cunts from little female babies.

alright i’m down but also kill some people and take over this whole crazy country that’s bounded by a bunch of rivers and oceans.\

Giant male clay figure tranny fucking dude enters.

“Hello fucking female eastern european slut. Let’s fuck, womanfellow!

then slapped across the cunt, they decided to take a train to slovakia and start a magazine and make love over the strewn pages of their past issues.

MAGAZINE MAGAZINE. Who can even read or eat or comprehend this stupid shit? I can’t wait to talk to Serbastian, that fucker, he slighted me before; I’ve already slaughtered his sad children.

How were you this good? i don’t remember this in prague. but things about this geography is that none of us can make eat pussy

That’s the thing about good old stories. Sometimes you can’t assimilate the moral. And the moral of this story is stop snitchin’ I learned that the hard way the hard is prison when the slide up against the bathroom tiles and make yourself sing love.

sense of it. We are all victims of the vocabulary of white people, which are the worst people. BLACK POWER! BLACK POWER!

I realize I’m black. I can’t believe I didn’t nuke Bond St. , only blew it up.

Friday, February 22, 2008

The commercial that started it all

As we near the end of Black History Month, it's important for us all to reflect on our roots. So here is the TV commercial whose irrepressible allure and spirit of bonhomie inspired Luigi DiSaronno, one day when he and I were sitting around drinking Paul Newmans*, to start this venerable blog.

As one commenter at YouTube remarks, "I still remember the first time I tried Disaronno..... ahhh it was a delight, and still is to this day." Amen.

*Newman's Own Lemonade and vodka

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Forget the sex, what about the constitution?

While both sides of the aisle (and even estranged members of the DiSaronno family) are bickering over John McCain's sex life, one important issue remains outside the conversation - the fact that Mr. McCain was not born a natural citizen and is therefore not qualified to be president. As this wikipedia article and this cowboy article explain, the Constitution only requires like 3 things to be president. It's probably why we've had so many shitty ones. One requirement is that the person be a "natural-born citizen," which isn't defined in the document but which is generally understood to mean anyone born within the fabulous fifty or an incorporated territory. Now, you're automatically a citizen if both of your parents are citizens (McCain's were) no matter where you're born. But there are two theories on how your citizenship is obtained, in a technical sense, when you're born overseas to US citizens:
(1) you're not "natural-born," but are instead "naturalized" automatically by virtue of your parents' citizenship. People who are naturalized citizens (or "Nizers," a slur i made up) are not eligible to be president.
(2) you're natural-born, because you're a citizen without having to fill out any paperwork. "Naturalized" citizens are those who have to earn it and be granted citizenship.

Why all the mystery, then? Turns out the issue has never come up and this portion of the constitution has never been interpreted by the Supreme Court. There are some pretty old legal theories to support each position, some latin terms like jus soli and jus sanguinis and blah blah i dunno i've only been to like half of my immigration law classes. But my prof said this could be a huge issue, and she teaches at NYU so believe that shit. If it does go to court, liberals trying to throw a wrench in the republican machinery should be careful of zealously advocating arcane interpretations of the Constitution...

That's right you plebe fucks: I'm powerful as shit and I like 'em blond and rich!

(a tale of three ladies)

Salon tells the sad story of Carol McCain:

But McCain was making bold career moves on the home front, hotly pursuing a 25-year-old blond [Cindy] from a wealthy Arizona family -- while married. Carol, his wife at the time, had once been quite a babe herself apparently, until a near-fatal car accident (while her husband was in Vietnam) left her 4 inches shorter, overweight and on crutches. The couple had three children, whom Carol cared for alone while her husband was in Vietnamese prisons.

The aforementioned richie/hottie/homewrecker, Cindy McCain:

Sadly for Cindy, blond and rich is now available in the younger, lobbyister variety:

The end? Not while John Sidney McCain III remains above ground!

Bermuda: A Retort to Firebird

This video was recently filmed in Bermuda. Firebird, get excited for what awaits you on your vacation!

I Want To Have My Ears Plugged

A lot of good things came out of the 80s. A lot of bad things came out in the 80s. One thing we can all agree on, however, is that there is only one truly abomidable music video whose stench, to this day, still rises above that produced by Britney Spears, Nickelback, and Chumbawamba: Blotto.

Please note that the video's storyline does not really begin until 32 seconds in.

Prognosticating the Future

Many refer to baseball as America's national pastime. It's simple, classic, and timeless. Plus, everyone here in the US is already on steroids anyway, so it's easily relatable. Well we here at the Dblog have just unearthed a phenomenon that is certain to sweep our nation. That's right, we're talking about Kancho. Fine-tuned and widely spread throughout Japan, Kancho is the art of inserting your clasped index fingers into an unsuspecting rectum. Sounds fun, right? I mean who would honestly turn down a free colon inspection or take umbrage at the fact that a complete stranger feels the need to tickle your poo-hole? Not us here at the Dblog. We are equally opportunity hobby enthusiasts and support all cultural games, from indian burns to happy corners. Nevertheless, we feel quite strongly about the potential for Kancho in the States and are officially declaring that it will be the biggest foreign infusion into American culture since PF Chang's, David Beckham, and Sudoku . . . COMBINED! With its history of success among children and the existence of an already marketable video game featuring lovable characters ranging from prostitute to child molester, it's only a matter of time people. I mean, look how much fun these kids are having

Get your fingers ready ladies and gentlemen, because America is about to get probed!

Ohhh man, this x is giving me crazy visuals right now

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Watch out, Harvard!

Here comes Nouveau Riche University! Actually, it's not clear if it's "University," or "College," or "Academy," or just plain "Nouveau Riche," but what's in a name? The more fronts, the more tax loopholes!

Overheard at in the LES

"Joe, are you serious?! GOD, I feel like im trying to explain trajectory motion to a mere child!"

DiSaronno Paparazzo

Spotted 2/14 in Times Square.

Fuck the Lunar Eclipse, Mark Your Calendars for August 21, 2017

After being excited about tonight's lunar eclipse, I've learned (sadly) that lunar eclipses straight-up blow. Why?? Because who gives a fuck that the Sun is lined up with the Earth which is lined up with the moon so that the moon is briefly/partially not reflecting the light of the sun... New Yorkers go weeks without seeing the moon.

So mark your calendars, here's the real deal:


When I brought up the possibility of going to Bermuda for the weekend, on a flight that costs only $217 round-trip including all taxes, all I heard was a bunch of whining. "It's too cold," they cried. "The water temperature won't be high enough," and "My vagina might get sandy," the bitching went on and on. Well, all I had to say was fuck that. I went ahead and bought a flight and, although most rooms or sold out, and the costs of lodging will probably outweigh the cost of the flight, I will see water this weekend. And not the water of some dirty river or harbor.
This water:

And, there will be girls in Bermuda. And not some pasty girl wearing all black chain smoking cigarettes outside of some horrible bar that smells like a bum's asshole.
Girls like this:

Who has money?

Dance or Die

Last night a few of the boys were able to get out and show our support for the American debut of Yelle. After a few shots of gin, a few high lifes, an order of fish and chips and a half bbq pulled duck sandwich later, I finally reflected upon how utterly spectacular this concert was. With the help of Luigi and Kerri, I will now attempt something no one has ever bothered to try before: retrospective live blogging. The concert went something like this:

6:44 P.M. - Arrive at Welcome to the Johnsons, give my ipod to the bartender to play for the entire bar. Sit next to a gentleman with an amazing mustache.

7:38 P.M. - Arrive at my apartment, get ready for the show (i.e. put on the most hipsterish outfit I own).

8:32 P.M. - After squeezing into my jeans, we squeeze into an equally tight cab. Cab driver, amazingly enough, speaks perfect english, and even suggests a shortcut that works to get us there faster.

8:46 P.M. - We arrive at the show. Kap10kurt is about to perform. They perform and it is pretty awsome. The venue does not have DiSaronno, so Luigi is forced to pour warm gin into his throat. Kerri joins in the fun.

9:52 - P.M. Anticipation is mounting for Yelle. Now there no space left anywhere, and there are a lot of people that do not appreciate me carrying 4 PBRs with me. It's 92 degrees and I still have my jacket and scarf on. I take off my scarf, never to see it again (Alexis, I lost it. It was NOT good looking out on my part).

10:01 - P.M. Silence. Then all of a sudden, Yelle jumps out on stage and starts singing Tristese Joie. The peasants rejoice. If you don't like her then you probably don't like life.

10:40 P.M. - It's hot as fuck in here. Don't know how much longer I can be in the front row. I snap a picture from my phone for good luck and head to get a cup of ice to rub over my face.

10:52 P.M. - I think there was shot of tequila sometime around here.

11:29 P.M. - Start heading out of the show. Decide to get a midnight snack at Grace (see the food items listed at the top of this post). Delicious.

Most Inappropriate TV Name Ever?

My thoughts were wandering last night after a few too many cocktails when I happened to stumble across some extraordinary knowledge hidden deep within my depraved mind. I was trying to be ironic for a cheap laugh when I started thinking about the TV show Growing Pains and the minor auxiliary character Richard Stabone. That's right, Richard aka Boner Stabone. Let's say that one more time: Boner Stabone. In all my years of television viewing, I don't think I have ever encountered such a shockingly inappropriate nickname for a TV character on a family-targeted show. Blows my mind. How the hell did you let that one slip by you Alan Thicke? The world may never know . . .

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

New England Patriots' clothing ends up in Nicaragua

The NFL donates this clothing to benefit the less fortunate, but these people would benefit more by putting these shirts on eBay.

A Proud Moment for Australia

Bonus Caption Contest for the above picture.

Australia has long been known as the underappreciated step-brother of both the U.K. and the U.S.A. Sporting emerging bands such as Muscles and the Midnight Juggernauts, the country has the ability to make people of all shapes and sizes get ready for the floor. Equally impressive has it been in producing good film and actors giving the world such actors as Mel Gibson (pardon his racism and alcoholism), Nicole Kidman, Naomi Watts, and Heath Ledger (R.I.P.).

It came as no surprise, then, when last year I unearthed what I can only call the sleeper for best film ever (forget Citizen Kane, Casablanca, Apocalypse Now, and Point Break): yes folks, I am talking about Aussie Park Boyz.

As the poster shows, this film has it all (except for and third, and, debatabley, a fourth comma for the tagline), including a cameo by Duane "The Dog" Chapman (FYI - after several viewings, this cameo appearence has yet to be spotted by myself, or any other viewer thus far). You will note, incidentally, that the plot synopsis is empty on the film's IMDB page. This is not by mistake. If the film had a plot, there would be a synopsis. Much like this blog, it appears to be an amalamation on incoherence, though in the case of Aussie Park Boyz, this train of stupidity takes on the form of fight correography and a tale of love.

One viewer's commentary seems to sum up the movie quite well:

"I have been analyzing Aussie Park Boyz, and figured out what is so strange about it. Most movies do not so vividly recreate the fight frequency of video games. Think about Fists of Fury, Double Dragon, etc. You fight about 5-10 bad guys, move on to the next screen, then fight 5-10 more, with absolutely no story of why you are fighting them. On top of that, there is always extremely intense music playing in the background of these video games. That is Aussie Park Boyz, only you are not controlling the main characters, so it’s just frustrating." (taken from Cinema Strikes Back).

Much like Sean Connery's masterpiece Zardoz, I found it very helpful to read about the film before viewing, and then again after; only then can you fully piece together what you have just viewed, and only after this can you fully appreciate how much of a waste of time watching this movie actually was. So go on, pick this movie up at your nearest rental agency (or anywhere that actually has a copy of it) and dig in.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

General Announcement

Readers of DiSaronno Blog:

Your friendly neighborhood gelatto shop has finally picked up on a magnificent trend. Il Laboratorio Del Gelato, of Orchard Street fame, has now added an Amaretto Crunch flavor to their delectable arsenal of frozen treats. Now, I am usually not one for sweets, but this was too tantalizing to pass up; if you find yourself in the neighborhood, please do stop by Il Laboratorio Del Gelato and wolf down as much gelato as you can.

Overheard at the Met

"Look, this looks like Star Wars, but black!"

Woman looking at a Comme de Garcons dress.

In Rainbows. Literally.

Among nature's most vibrant and memorable phenonomena is the rainbow, caused by the dispersive refraction of sunlight through droplets of water suspended in air. It is also probably the coolest natural optical illusion besides St. Elmo's Fire. A bridge between the human and godly realms of Midgard and Asgard in Norse mythology, a colorful pathway to this guy on the right's 401K, anti-deluvian biblical covenant between God and Noah (but apparently not FEMA), and fantabulous symbol of gay pride and acceptance everywhere, the rainbow across pretty much all cultures and social histories is pretty awesome.

So what? I'll tell you so what. I woke up this morning and there was a rainbow on my ceiling. It is probably the coolest thing I have ever seen on my ceiling. Here are a few pictures:

Anyone else out there have any cool rainbow stories? Please feel free to throw on some Sigur Rós records and share.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Damn The Blue Man, Save The Astor!

The Astor Place Theatre is an architectural/historical gem. How gem-y you ask? So gem-like that no modern photograph can capture The Astor in its overflowed and nekkid glory (I had to settle for this old-timey print). The Astor is so fantastic that it diminishes pretty much every building in the city by comparison. Shames them. Yet The Astor Place Theatre is enslaved by purveyors of bad art: The Blue Man Group.

But you defend these blue philistines. Have I ever seen The Blue Man Group perform, you ask? No I have not, but I believe that my taste level is high enough to judge a thing without having even ever given it a chance. If you believe this to be so too, you should join my jihad. Damn The Blue Man, Save The Astor!

And the winner is...

The readers of DBlog have decisively chosen There Will be Blood as their favorite among this year's Oscar nominees for best picture. Probably a bad omen for that film. Thanks to everyone who voted. Those of you who aren't voting in these polls--what the hell is wrong with you? Can't we get more than 20 responses?


Early 90s Poll

Which video do you like more? Which reminds you of an episode of Fresh Prince?


Pretty close race.

Tony Danza vs. Big Bird

While this sounds like it could be a contest of various sorts (battle of wits, conversation ability, looks), it logically follows that they would settle the score through tennis. Please note this match was brought to you by the DiSaronno Blog's headquarter bar, Hi Fi (hi-tech commercial inserted right before the serve):

Congrats on a fine showing for mankind, Tony. And next time, don't blame your loss on the fact that you weren't playing with a ball.

Nature's Phenomenons: The Salton Sea

The Salton Sea is a large (375 square mile), saline, bel0w-sea level body of water in Southern California. Although the original Salton Sea dried up centuries ago, the current Salton Sea is result of a man-made environmental failure; the Salton Sea was originally filled when an irrigation route of the Colorado River sprung a leak and flowed unchecked into the Salton basin region for almost 2 years. Despite its inauspicious beginnings, it has since become a local landmark as a bird sanctuary, catering to over 400 species of birds. Debates on how to maintain the vitality of the Salton Sea remain heated between several organizations. Equally contraversial is the 2002 film that takes its name from the famous sea, starring Val Kilmer and Vincent D'Onofrio. The film takes an in depth look at the struggles of a lonely meth user in his natural environment. When pushed into a fight or flight situation, this specimen reacts instinctively to protect what is most dear to him. See below:

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Overheard in Brooklyn

"I think about killing them all the time."
-Nanny pushing a stroller.

White People are Lame

I came across another blog recently (one superior to this one in every way), that gave a rundown on how to get more street cred. I need it desperately. It's a simple list documenting stuff you shouldn't do or like, if you want to be "down with it" (see that, eh, I'm picking up the lingo). I hated Juno, so that definitely makes me less white. I am not a lawyer - that's two points. I fucking hate dogs and their owners. And I don't live by the beach. I'm as gangsta as they come. If you want to get fresh and ditch tha cracker ass crackers, check this sizzite out:

Street Cred for Dummies

If you don't run marathons, have a tv, are not vegetarian, and don't know how to snowboard, you're on your way. Stay black.

Yep, that's a little glimpse of my ball you can see there!

Let's see what you've got America

What the Kids Are Wearing

Lawyer/Hipster Wannabe Luigi D has a new fashion statement going. If you're think you're cool, despite what everyone else says, you've caught on and rocked your own stylez.

The Writers of 30 Rock and DiSaronno Blog Wish You a Happy Valentimes!

Future Happenings with "Steve" Stevelson

Yes. Hello! This is "Steve". Remember me from 2008. Except now I come from the future. Many things have happened since before it became this way. Let me give you the initial download on this whole situation. To begin with, here is a picture of my gyrocopter (as a background to this whole situation, I'll mention this: "The gyrocopter has become the typical mode of transpo since mid-July 2008. Most of the tourists have been riding these japanese knock-offs of gyrocopters since circa '09, but mine is a kit that I bought from Disaronnoblo (henceforth referred to as the "Company" or "Blog") after it became a main online commercial hub for light, non-fixed wing aircraft. Surprisingly the staff of the original Company all died of fagotry according to the Mayan Calendar:

That was when gyrocopters were really "taking off" and so a few people saw an opportunity to capitalize on the Blog's cache. Bidding wars ensued and the Blog briefly sunk deeply into a fiscal quagmire......" The picture I promised you:

That's me, "Steve", in my dual-spinner gyrocopter. Fly so high in the sky gyro gyro. You know who you are gyrocopter. Yeah you have the dual-spinners. Go gyrocopter go go go gyrocopter. "hey, steve." "yes?" "it's me the gyrocopter in the air above." "what can i do for you?" "ride me. ride me hard in the future. 2047 is extremely up to date in terms of modern flying machines

So anyway, as I was mentioning that I'd been quote as saying before, "The Blog's original staff member got eaten by baboons!

they committed mass suicide:

that was a silly, thing to do, guys!
Getting back to the here and now {or should I say the future (now)!}
I was able to pick one person to join me in my gyrocopter when I took the original transcontinental flight to the Future after some trial runs during which I managed to make quite a few neighbors unhappy due to the surprising noise.
At this time, I had come to be fairly close relationship-wise to Matthew McConaughey because he was in Fool's Gold which I liked. He appreciated that because only now in the year 2047 do people really appreciate that Fool's Gold was more about just treasure than anything whereas before it was perceived as anything but.
Fool's Gold with Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson: a film to watch.