JESUS CHRIST!

How hard is it to write THANKS, America? I mean honestly, where the hell did you get THX? There's no fucking X in THANKS to begin with, so why are you adding it? Is it too hard to write five letters instead of three? No, it isn't. You're all just idiots who learned to spell using T9 on your shitty Motorola.

Now you're probably sitting there at your office desk right now, reading my rant, chatting up your BFF, and having a good ROFL. Well guess what America, too bad for you. Any true asshole like myself knows that proper spelling/grammar is the only way you're going to get a good, long ROFLATIO. And that's my rant for the day.

So You Want to Move Some Product?

If you want to sell absolutely anything, you should have a professional wrestler as your pitch-man. Surefire way to guarantee fiscal success. Don't believe me? Check out these inspirational ads and tell me you're not intrigued. (Disclaimer: I watch a lot of television between 3am and 7am )


Best $24.95 I never spent!




Taste was FANTASTIC (but I couldn't get my face on a can unfortunately)




I bet the tobacco company was none too pleased, but I did quit smoking right away!!




Satiated my hunger immediately!!




Oh those silly Japanese!!

White people being really white

There may very well be nothing whiter than ghost-riding a DeLorean, except of course the movie Powder. Regardless, the guy with the prosthetic leg definitely has us wishing we could travel back to the future