Nature's Phenomenons: The Salton Sea

The Salton Sea is a large (375 square mile), saline, bel0w-sea level body of water in Southern California. Although the original Salton Sea dried up centuries ago, the current Salton Sea is result of a man-made environmental failure; the Salton Sea was originally filled when an irrigation route of the Colorado River sprung a leak and flowed unchecked into the Salton basin region for almost 2 years. Despite its inauspicious beginnings, it has since become a local landmark as a bird sanctuary, catering to over 400 species of birds. Debates on how to maintain the vitality of the Salton Sea remain heated between several organizations. Equally contraversial is the 2002 film that takes its name from the famous sea, starring Val Kilmer and Vincent D'Onofrio. The film takes an in depth look at the struggles of a lonely meth user in his natural environment. When pushed into a fight or flight situation, this specimen reacts instinctively to protect what is most dear to him. See below:

Live Blogging From Work

This is not nearly as entertaining when pictures and TV are not involved.

10:38 A.M. - Go to the printer to pick up a print job. I'm kind of chilly.

10:52 A.M. - I need to go to the bathroom. I finally put on my dress shoes.

11:02 A.M. - Coworker closes door to his office so that he can change out of his jeans.

11:08 A.M. - Watch this homemade video, and wish it were as good as the song:



11:14 A.M. - Turn an offer to go for a walk outside. It's freezing out there.

11:15 A.M. - Converse with Mark Gastineau.

11:16 A.M. - Conference call with Tyko McGee.

11:19 A.M. - Stop live blogging.

A Word From Tyko McGee - The State of the Blog

Dear DiSaronno Blog,

STOP! Your comment battles for each post are both annoying and a wasted effort. You should be using your time to make more posts, not inane banter about each post. That is like smelling the jenkem for an hour; everyone knows that the jenkem loses its potency after the first huff, so don't sit there smelling your shit if it's not going to make you trip balls. I would love it if you could make more posts about The Wire, I love that show. Don't live blog anymore, because it makes me sad that I am not watching TV with you.

Love,

Tyko McGee

DiSaronno Blog: The Psycadelic Years: a Mesage from Tyko McGee

This week's excerpt from Tyko McGee's upcoming novel (yet to be titled):

"Things sure got rough after I left Loveboops' Traveling Circus. My beloved Doheny Jones was not quite dead, but his mind had been reduced to the level of a luded out chimp waiting in line at a barber shop, and I could not forget the scar across his pelvic region. I felt like I had nothing left to give him, or the Circus.

Down on my luck, I went back to my old demons at Taco Bell. Somewhere between my third and fourth week of living in the handicap bathroom stall, an astonishingly beautiful maiden entered the men's room to take a leak. When she saw me peeking at her, she ran in, gave me a kiss, and two tablets of LSD. Just like that, I was transformed into Tyko McGee Lovechild Warkhawk, the menacingly hip hippie.

I followed Varnonica, the fair maiden, to the countryside, where we raised ducks and gathered more wandering souls to join our group, the Purgatory's Messengers. While never purely destructive, many of our recruiting techniques came into question by the FBI, so we escaped to Canada, where we gourged on Poutine and American Bacon.

Shocking, exclussive footage of what the Purgatory's Messengers may have looked like.

This was all magical until I woke up one morning, or it may have been the day after, I can't remember, I was in the midst of a massive Dayquill binge. Varnonica was gone, the rest of the Purgatory's Messengers had surrounded me and were about to beat me up for stealing all of their peyote, and worst of all, I had peed my pants in the midst of my trance-like state the night before. I somehow made it out alive, albeit wearing only an eagles shit (and no, not the band, it was a shirt with a picture of a bunch of eagles on it). I had to sneak around the forrest for weeks with no pants, underwear, or socks. Four cases of poison ivy and zero square meals later, I was able to cross the border, albeit illegaly, as I had given up my citizenship days before. I came back looking for some sort of stability in my life, the only stability I had ever known: Lietenant Loveboops."

Tyko McGee's autobiography is not completed. We allow him to post on a week-to-week basis. If you are a publisher and interested in funding/publishing Mr. McGee's book, please contact us.

Overheard in the Cafeteria

"Can I have the fajita plate with beef, cheese, and extra sour cream? By the way, I have very small hands."

- Tyko McGee, after ingesting 3 spice jars of nutmeg

The Life and Times of Tyko McGee: An Autobiography

Due to the popularity of his letter, our dedicated fan Tyko McGee has agreed to share portions of his upcoming autobiography through our website. We will feature excerpts on a weekly basis. This first installment comes from early on in Tyko's life, when he was still struggling to find his true identity. I hope you enjoy it.


"It was the summer of '73; free love was growing up and facing the growing pains of a failed marriage. I was still a young boy, confused, disillusioned, and full of general guff. I was in desperate need of some tangible discipline, direction, and body shaping. Crazy thoughts crowded my mind: who is Professor McGonagal? What are kids? What is a dog? During the depths of a particularly tumultuous jenkem experience, I happened upon a sign: "Lieutenant Loveboops Wants YOU... to join his traveling circus." Normally, I would not think twice about such a sign, but the vicious fecal fumes in my head made it impossible to ignore. I instantly enrolled, hoping that this was the wake up call I so very badly needed.

My first week under Loveboops' tutelage was a harrowing experience. The nightly calisthenics drills and overall rigor of training made me falter at times. But, in the end, it was worth it: the job gave me 3 square meals a day, and a cot to rest my barking dogs. But I was so alone, day after day after night. After the first two weeks, I finally made my first friend, a rotund chap by the name of Doheny Jones, who had travelled in all the way from Pennsylvania to join the diving team. The two of us would secretly escape at night to indulge in our two hidden indulgences: crispy tacos and gooey blender drinks. This made my earlier tough spots fade into oblivion, until one fateful night. As Doheny and I were about to make our nightly escape, Lietenant Loveboops caught us. He was livid!

"Please sir, calm down!" I tried to calm him down.

"Lieutenant Loveboops gives the orders around here you scallywag maggots!"

I could tell that we were really in for it now. But, it turned out not to be as bad as I thought. Our mentor ended up admitting to us that he had a similar taste for tacos, but told us never to escape again."



Dictated, but not proofread, by Tyko McGee.

New Fan Mail

"Dear DiSaronno Blog,

Keep up the good work. I love your blog, I just wish there were more posts! My favorite post was the one Kerri Struggle posted. I want more from him. I want Mark Gastineau to post a picture of himself with a photoshopped mustache (given your creativity, I am sure this will be an easy task!). That's all the good things I have to say.

Your secret admirer,

Tyko McGee"

Dictated but not proofread