We're Back

Look out world, because 2010 is going to be the year of the D!

Calling it like I see it

1. http://www.blogger.com/www.creedthoughts.info has some pretty good insight into blog structure. We have obviously taken steps to replicate this blog's success in readership and layout.

2. My favorite two things about October are scarecrows and pumpkin ale.

3. This presidential debate is heating up like crispy tacos shells in the deep fryer. Remember Glen Frey? It would be great if he would run for president, then he could do guitar solos during his speeches.

4. What is up with the rates these days? Are the rates ever going to be fair again? It sure doesn't seem like it.

Someone put her to sleep

This can't be serious?

Happy Birthday, DiSaronno Blog!

Almost as amazing as the fact that the blog is still here is the disappointment we all feel in how little we have accomplished with this blog in a year.  Whatever.  Everyone put on their favorite pink tshirt, call Balls Mahoney/Turtil, and hoist your disaronno/shot of gin/ice cold beer in the air and sing your favorite neo-Sting song.

WTF Moment of the Year

This year's dubious honor belongs to Armin Meiwes, a one-time cannibal who now abstains from all meats from the confines of prison.

It seems as though Mr. Meiwes put out an ad online back in 2001 in search of a friend to cut and eat. Sounds appealing, right? Well, a man by the name of Bernd Jürgen Brandes seemed to think so. As the story goes, Brandes and Meiwes met up in March 2001 for their flesh fiesta. After amputating Brandes penis (though Brandes initially wanted Meiwes to remove said appendage by biting), the two men began to prepare the newly sliced meat with a nice salt/pepper/garlic seasoning to enrich the taste. Unfortunately the penis proved too weak of a meat to cook as it ended up immediately burning to a crisp. Not to be thwarted, Meiwes set his sights on the rest of Brandes' flesh as his counterpart slowly gushed blood from his used-to-be pee tube. Eager to pass the time until he could finish his man steaks, Meiwes caught up on a little light reading as he enjoyed a Star Trek book to work up a healthy appetite. Needless to say, some human was eaten a few hours later.

Jesus Christ! I guess it's a damn good thing Mr. Meiwes quit eating humans and became a strict vegetarian. Now he's just got to work on his more dangerous vices like cigarettes and alcohol.

Portishead's Third - Rise of the Machine [Gun]

Wait until the synthesizer in the last 45 seconds of the song, and you too will believe that you were sent from the year 2029 to save Sarah Conner from being assassinated by a machine.

Drivin' Good in the Neighborhood

Because let's be honest: when you want Applebee's, there's no limit to what we're willing to do.

DiSaronno Concert Etiquette: Tips for the Summer

As concert season booms into full swing in the coming months, our writers here at the Dblog, would like to offer some sweet dance moves to consider while you totally rock your faces off this summer. Jean shorts are not optional!

DiSaronno Party Preview: Tall Bike Jousting

DiSaronno Blog is having a party, and you're invited! Make haste to [REDACTED], at which place there will be feats of strength performed ranging from the consumption of Di Saronno to the jousting atop the tall bicycles:

DBlog Medical Journal

Rare ailments are always popping up and forcing us to update our own lexicon of diseases and disorders. Hopefully we can one day find a legal cure for this man's debilitating bout with heat rash:

That's What I Call Advertising

I just unearthed this youtube video of an actual add campaign for Corn Nuts that aired over the radio a few years ago in LA. Corn Nuts: teaching kids about masturbation one snack at a time!

Sundays with Terrence: "The Thin Red Line" Quote of the Week for April Seven to April Thirteen

Private Edward P. Train: [voice over] Where is it that we were together? Who were you that I lived with? The brother. The friend. Darkness, light. Strife and love. Are they the workings of one mind? The features of the same face? Oh, my soul. Let me be in you now. Look out through my eyes. Look out at the things you made. All things shining.

For the Ladies

It seems as though those crazy Japanese are at it again! No longer content with man's singular ability to pee while standing up, the makers of Super Pi Pi have no extended this wonderful joy to women everywhere. Oh you silly Japanese!! What will you think of next?

Product Review: The Quantum Sleeper

If you lie in bed at night worrying about: (1) a pending bio-chemical terrorist attack on your home; (2) rogue winter storm in the dead of July; (3) somebody touching your private parts while you sleep, then there is only one way to ensure a perfect slumber. Forget heavy drinking, prescription drugs, or sleepytime tea. You need the Quantum Sleeper.




With optional features like microwave, refrigerator, DVD/CD player, CB and shortwave radios, and a toiletry system, you may find that you'll never get out of bed again (but at least it won't be because somebody killed you!).

Sundays with Terrence: "The Thin Red Line" Quote of the Week

Each Sunday night, DiSaronno Blog will share with you a quotation from Terrence Malick's masterwork, "The Thin Red Line." This will be done in light of the emotionally edifying properties of these musings on life and death, beauty and wars, human suffering. That in mind, we present this week's quotation from "The Thin Red Line"...



Private Witt (pictured): [voice over] This great evil. Where does it come from? How'd it steal into the world? What seed, what root did it grow from? Who's doin' this? Who's killin' us? Robbing us of life and light. Mockin' us with the sight of what we might've known. Does our ruin benefit the earth? Does it help the grass to grow, the sun to shine? Is this darkness in you, too? Have you passed to this night?

You Got the Touch!

People say that this blog is finished. That we're history. Well I've got news for the naysayers: we're not. Washed up? More like "washed and ready for the big dance!"

Fuck TRIMSPA!

So you say you want to shed those few extra pounds that have been hanging around since the holidays? Well, hold onto your butts America, because your hopes have been answered.

Film Commentary

1986 promised to be a year of cinematic gems on the silver screen, but turned out to give us nothing more than fool's gold (too view things with less value than fool's gold, please see wikipedia page for the upcoming Matthew McConaughey film). Two films, however, stand out like roses in a crop of weeds. These two movies are Big Trouble In Little China and The Golden Child.

Both films had a prominent lead actor, with Kurt Russel as Jack Burton in BTILC and Eddie Murphy in TGC. Neither was the first choice for their role, with studios wanting to stars Jack Nicholson and Mel Gibson, respectively, for the roles. Despite not getting their first picks, the directors were able to compensate by making the lead character learn about differing cultures:






Both films also feature Victor Wong in his usual character of the wise old man. And, let's not forget about the amazing special effects in each film!





So which movie is better? My vote is for BTILC; if not for the superior story line, well practiced choreography, John Wayne-inspired lead character, and the resulting video game, at least for director John Carpenter's great job with the soundtrack:







But you don't have to take my word for it, which film do you like more?

Who Am I?

I had a plum sized tumor removed from my nasal cavity.

I originally moved to Hollywood to pursue a music career with my band, The Rubber Band.

I have a son named Jake. He is an actor.

In December of 1988, I suffered a near fatal motorcycle accident. Doctors feared that the head injuries would give me permanent brain damage.

I once said that "drinking your own blood is the paradigm of recycling."

I am _______________ ?

Live Blogging From Work

This is not nearly as entertaining when pictures and TV are not involved.

10:38 A.M. - Go to the printer to pick up a print job. I'm kind of chilly.

10:52 A.M. - I need to go to the bathroom. I finally put on my dress shoes.

11:02 A.M. - Coworker closes door to his office so that he can change out of his jeans.

11:08 A.M. - Watch this homemade video, and wish it were as good as the song:



11:14 A.M. - Turn an offer to go for a walk outside. It's freezing out there.

11:15 A.M. - Converse with Mark Gastineau.

11:16 A.M. - Conference call with Tyko McGee.

11:19 A.M. - Stop live blogging.