Friday, December 28, 2007

Top 10 True American Heroes of 2K7

(listed by: name, reason for fame, reason for award of hero status)

10. Fatima Bhutto - the estranged niece of the now dead Benazir Bhutto - for being hot

9. Justin Bobby - minor character on 'The Hills' - for some hilarious stupid shit he said

8. Balls Mahoney - professional wrestler - for feats of strength performed in the ring

7. David Lynch - non-prolific filmmaker - for his haircut

6. Tina Fey - writer of 30 Rock - for writing a hilarious show

5. Alec Baldwin - star of 30 Rock - for not being afraid to yell at his kids

4. Wikipedia - repository of human knowledge - for summarizing the plot of 'Inland Empire'

3. Michael Vick - animal lover - for loving too much

2. Dear Prudence - columnist - for convincing me not to jump

1. Michael Huckabee - dumb hick - for running for president despite lack of awareness

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Monday, December 24, 2007

During my research for the pole of "Who would win in a fight, Nate the Great or Harry Potter?" I ended up procrastinating and trying to do a search to see what I come up with.  I suffered an upset stomach to learn that Nate the Great's wikipedia site was listed only as the most popular website under the "Nate the Great" search engine search.  Honestly, who could forget such titles as "Nate the Great Saves the King of Sweden?"

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

What will "NYC street culture" be like in the year "2010?"

According to google it will be like this:

It's got me all excited about the future.

Monday, December 17, 2007

New York Magazine Presents: "Know Your [Wu Tang] Clan Members"

This way you'll know which one is really worth the $50K they want to play your kid's birthday party. (Hint: the clan member pictured above is unavailable.)

Signs of Social Darwinism

While cycling through websites the past couple of days at work, I've noticed several videos by people attempting some sort of cinnamon challenge. Swallowing a tablespoon of cinnamon without the help of water seems pretty basic enough, but everyone ends up spitting it out, giving up too soon, or vomitting. What's the deal? I did the gallon challenge back in college one night . . . twice . . . and I even stopped in the middle to eat some flank steak and a bowl of gazpacho. Cinnamon people? Seriously? Glad to know I'm separating from the pack . . .

"A box of matzo for 'the Jew'"

100 Secret Santa gifts to reconsider.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

I was doing a little research on our favorite beverage and our favorite blog.  During my search to see where Disaronno Blog ranks among pages when one searches for "Disaronno," I stumbled upon a side project of one Mr. AG Brey.

Now that we know where all of his energy and time are going, the speed bumps this blog has encountered make perfect sense.  Firebird, shape up or ship out you traitor!

For the record, Disaronno Blog has not cracked the top 800.  More to come on its ranking once I find it.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Impossible Is Nothing

Somehow, the impossible has happened. A DiSaronno Blog post has been picked up by another website, one completely independent of and unaffiliated with DiSaronno Blog (to the best of my knowledge). In the process, poor Robert Goulet's good name has been tarnished. He may be the first real casualty of DiSaronno Blog's recklessness. (look under News & Gossip)

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The Blog Review: disaronnoblog

*0000 (1 out of 5 stars) (it is our policy not to give zero star ratings because the "00000" would look shitty)

Disaronnoblog tries very little, but it's trying too hard nonetheless. The unsophisticated toilet humor of disaronnoblog makes ebaumsworld look like the New York Review of Books. The many jokes about shit on disaronnoblog come off as clever only because they are moments of unintentional self-reference.

This blog is not funny. Reading disaronnoblog for entertainment is like bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity. What?

In conclusion: fuck this piece of shit.

The Word at E. 4th Street Bar

Firebird wants to have a party where everyone dresses up as a member of The Clash. Let's put it to a vote, all those opposed, say "neigh."

Friday, December 7, 2007

The Dark Lord Satan's Evilest Bookshelf

Who among you dares to pick up this Black Metal Bookshelf for free from Craigslist!!?!?

Overheard on the R Train this morning

"You said I could come to you if I had any questions. Where is the clitoris? On a website it says 'At the crest of the labia.' What does that mean? What does the female vagina look like? My Uncle says it looks like a sausage casing."

Everybody Boycott Maryland

This is an outrage.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Tom Selleck

He should win an award of highest achievement.