SRY WRLD, LOL PHNX

Promised Luigi that I'd have a shnazzy po$t up by $undown, or elze I'd get fired (NOT as in fired up). $orry wrld, there'z ju$t not enuff nooz the$e dayz to po$t about. What R U gonna do about it? N then I thought about it n' I didn't wanna lose this $weet! gig, livin' in the $weet! lap of luxury not havin' to worry about billz, just loungin' around in a pool of di$aronno all day, next to the hot tub full of GOOEY BLENDR DRINX, sippin' hot toddiez n' poppin' yellow prrots.


So then I sat down and buckled down for a few dayz, called up my editor, went thru a few draftz to po$t these gemz for u, and then I had a revelation that u gotta wrk hard at blogging if you wanna make it to the big leagz.

But sumtimez it getz a little tuff, you know, pounding my head again$t the wall, trying to always be 6 steps ahead of the other DiSaronno Riderz, and about 58 steps ahead of the other blogz. My head hurts sometimes. Not even Newprin can help me out. What's a starving artiste to do?

HELPE ME OUT! Give me your suggestion of how best to keep coming up with funky a$$ $hit like every single day.

Don't Call it a Comeback

Because we were never really popular, nor were we really ever gone.

Overheard on The Google Chat

"...holy taco blogged a myth about [edited] getting 3 handjobs on the G train from 80 pound dudes?"

Work: hitting new lows every day.

Product Review: The Quantum Sleeper

If you lie in bed at night worrying about: (1) a pending bio-chemical terrorist attack on your home; (2) rogue winter storm in the dead of July; (3) somebody touching your private parts while you sleep, then there is only one way to ensure a perfect slumber. Forget heavy drinking, prescription drugs, or sleepytime tea. You need the Quantum Sleeper.




With optional features like microwave, refrigerator, DVD/CD player, CB and shortwave radios, and a toiletry system, you may find that you'll never get out of bed again (but at least it won't be because somebody killed you!).

Anyone looking for a gym membership?

I am trying to sell my New York Health and Racquet Club membership. I've fulfilled my personal workout and self-improvement goals so I don't need it anymore.

General Announcement

Readers of DiSaronno Blog:

Your friendly neighborhood gelatto shop has finally picked up on a magnificent trend. Il Laboratorio Del Gelato, of Orchard Street fame, has now added an Amaretto Crunch flavor to their delectable arsenal of frozen treats. Now, I am usually not one for sweets, but this was too tantalizing to pass up; if you find yourself in the neighborhood, please do stop by Il Laboratorio Del Gelato and wolf down as much gelato as you can.

Nature's Phenomenons: The Salton Sea

The Salton Sea is a large (375 square mile), saline, bel0w-sea level body of water in Southern California. Although the original Salton Sea dried up centuries ago, the current Salton Sea is result of a man-made environmental failure; the Salton Sea was originally filled when an irrigation route of the Colorado River sprung a leak and flowed unchecked into the Salton basin region for almost 2 years. Despite its inauspicious beginnings, it has since become a local landmark as a bird sanctuary, catering to over 400 species of birds. Debates on how to maintain the vitality of the Salton Sea remain heated between several organizations. Equally contraversial is the 2002 film that takes its name from the famous sea, starring Val Kilmer and Vincent D'Onofrio. The film takes an in depth look at the struggles of a lonely meth user in his natural environment. When pushed into a fight or flight situation, this specimen reacts instinctively to protect what is most dear to him. See below:

SATAN RIDES AGAIN

The dark lord of Mark Gastineau has once again left a mythical artifact; only the strong dare pick up these black metal shelves!




(clocks sold seperately)