Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The State of Free Wireless in NYC: It Fuckin Sucks

So here's my story. Take heed. I stopped by my favourite little tea shop only to find that, likely on account of the great tea, good company, and plentiful free wireless, there were no available seats. Naturally I responded to this by going to a mediocre coffee shop whose only saving grace is outdoor seating directly opposite Tompkins. This place charges for wireless, which is a stupid fucking thing to do. But often I can pick up some other network from an out-of-doors seating place. Today, however, I could not. So then I went up to Union Square, stupidly assuming the city maybe put some wi-fis up there. They clearly did not, and no one else stepped in to fill the gap. I then trecked on down to Whole Foods Bowery because they have a free wi-fi and you need not buy. But that shit was fucking down.

The point here is pretty simple: if you live on the first or second floor of a building, don't password protect your shit. I live too high for this rule apply to me, but those of you to which it does need to get on the ball.

The Le Pouteeen Fi ve Thou Sand

You've been a devastating model in my on piece man.

You've jacked my gun dude. i' m ready to rain bullets on this foyer hard core in the sweepest sense.

Dude chill out. We've got Bond street to think about and the people there to think about the perps.

Those dudes let out out in skin suits with onion paper on their feet.

The dude with machine gun wrote a poem about some shit about an door keeper and a ziplock bag and this's what happened

The map

the door keeper
sent the ziplock bag.
the blood and gun

you piece "

He thought about the business namely the dry cleaning he had to do

and blew himself up because ultimately it didn't rea

Saturday, May 24, 2008

The sad pathetic conclusion and Redemption of Le Poutaien

Partner: We had made it. All the way around the world and back. I'm tasted the feasts of many and too many nations.

Other Partner: I can say hello to you in eight different languages. I can comb my hair in many styles now according to region and climate

Main Partner: Guys, we've got to blow out of here leave this deli because I just planted massive C4 in the basement with the gas oil.

Partner: Let's roll the dice. Luck and love have always fooled the sage. See what happens?

Main Partner: Partner, I'm strapping my parachute on and jumping off this jumbo jet because this deli's gonna explode into lava flames.

Other Partner: I once had a cousin I thought was cool, and he just turned out to be a drunk conservative.

Partner: Just put some hot sauce on that mother to calm the taste.

Other Partner: I'm moving to Ohio to live near the Great Lakes. Water supply and the chatter about rust belt Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Main Partner: I'm walking off the stage with dignity you sinking mud bodies.

Other Partner: I've got a jet to the coast and I'm gonna plant sugar crystals in the coast and I'll have a sturdy shit ship.

Partner: Captain's been a land mammal. You have no Captain and your cell phone is sweating all over my cheek. You're a wiked old man.

They all die and jet off to Bond Street.

Friday, May 23, 2008

90s (sort of) Rock: They Might Be Giants

"The Guitar." From the same band that brought you annoying songs like "Particle Man" and "Istanbul (not Constantinople)"

Early 90s Rock Friday: Janes Addiction

"Been Caught Stealing." The cover for this single, and this video, still both rank as one of my favorites of all time.

90s Rock Friday: The Black Crows

"Remedy." A good jam that is underappreciated.

90s Rock: for the road!


90s Rock: Ugly Kid Joe

"(I Hate) Everything About You."

90s Rock: Van Halen

"Right Now." The culminating song of the early 90s. The theme song of Crystal Pepsi.

1992 Rock Friday

Stone Temple Pilots

90s Rock: Throwing Muses

"Counting Backwards." Not my favorite, but maybe it's your favorite.

90s Rock making a comeback

Urge Overkill: Sister Havana

90s Rock: James

"Laid." I never knew this guy was so nuts.

90s Rock: Veruca Salt

90s Rock: Faith No More

"A Small Victory." Because hey, no victory is that small. I'll take a small victory over a large loss.

90s Rock: Cracker

"Teen Angst." I don't know what the world may want but a good stiff drink it surely don't, so I think I'll go fix myself a tall one.

Early 90s Rock Friday (con't)

Dinosaur Jr!

Early 90s Rock Friday: Big Audio Dynamite II

"Innocent Child." A great song, albeit a little depressing. Bummer that they don't have the pop outro on this video.

Early 90s Rock Friday: Soup Dragons

"Divine Thing"

Thursday, May 22, 2008

NEWSFLASH: Jenkem Urban Revival for Summer 2k8


I have not written on this piece of shit for about a month, mostly because I have had better stuff to do, and because Disaronno tastes like a homeless man's vagina. But, this little something I came across on youtube seemed Disaronnoesque, and it reminds me of home. Go fuck yourselves.

Monday, May 19, 2008

What? You Had A Nice Little Saturday Too?

Insane Stunt Makes Dude Cry - Watch more free videos

Blog Deleted

Do not scroll down.

There is nothing to see there.


Blog has been deleted.

What the fuck?

Alright, fine. Blog is still around.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Lt. Carl Loveboops only smokes Tipalet cigarettes.

Tipalet cigarettes are great. But don't take our word for it, just ask Lt. Carl Loveboops.

"Tipalet cigarettes are long, delicious, and fresh. But don't take my word for it, just ask the many women that I have bedded while smoking a Tipalet." - Lt. Carl Loveboops

"Sometimes I get confused, but after the Lieutenant gives me a Tipalet cigarette everything makes sense again. I think it's because they are so long. There's just something about them that makes me want to lie down and close my eyes." - One of the many women Lt. Loveboops has bedded

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Worldelectro Wednesday

Who gives a fuck, we're getting booted off the airwaves anyway.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


Maybe this is why they're renovating the brownstone across the street?

The article mentions Smith and Carroll as one possibility, but everywhere i've looked says the smart money's on williamsburg.

Adding a Bit of "Health" to your Tuesday

Tuesday is always the day of the week when I begin to feel healthy again. With that in mind, here's a video of the band "Health" playing "Zoothorns" and "Crimewave":

Bump Bump Bump

The "gay anthem" is now in a Wishbone commercial??

Monday, May 12, 2008

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Happy Birthday, DiSaronno Blog!

Almost as amazing as the fact that the blog is still here is the disappointment we all feel in how little we have accomplished with this blog in a year.  Whatever.  Everyone put on their favorite pink tshirt, call Balls Mahoney/Turtil, and hoist your disaronno/shot of gin/ice cold beer in the air and sing your favorite neo-Sting song.

Door Man Stories II

We've cleaned up the glue you smeared across the walls.

The limbs didn't stick.

I've used paint thinner.

Let's order in.

I've had your child.

I don't care.

I've had a few trips down this road.

We've seen. I just don't care what color car you have.

Door Man Stories

I know you've been shooting your wife for the past three years.

I'm not covered in blood.

I'm wearing a uniform. I'm pointing to my hat.

Friday, May 9, 2008

For Your Lunch Party

I guess this is what 10 years of throwing parties gets you...

Kavinsky: Testarossa Autodrive

A lotta eurelectro, a little eureretro...

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Oh Those Crazy Asians!

Hilary Clinton: pissing in the well from which she drinks

Who is a vote-grubbing hypocrite? This lady.

In other news, buy Burger King stock. It will make you feel better than eating a Quad Stacker and four Spicy Chicken Crisps. Plus, it's probably cheaper.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Sunday, May 4, 2008

BREAKING NEWS AT THIS HOUR: Brooklynvegan Commenters Called Out for their Ignorance by DiSaronno Connoseiurs

Link (the comment that starts with "You should

Le Pouteian Act Five IVIVVdashII

We managed to make some friends (this is Beirut.

I'm pregnant.

they gave us guns and then we hid them under our rucksacks.
We felt we could trust them

we could trust them.

guess what. Jimmy gave us fake guns and they're loaded with C4.

Place them under the car slowly. Very


Very carefully.


I don't know, Gerald (Gerald is dead), If i can deal any more. My throat is burning from the smoke.

Fair. All these points are fair, and I'm willing to cap all these civilians if I can have a decent attorney.

we're all doomed. we're all in the crap shoot as they say.

too bad you don't know that i have an explosive strapped to my chest at this very second.


we've lost control and let me take the wheel. you're dead. it's only me.

(massive explosions)

I once knew a man, and I've had a crappy drink from this shit well.

Friday, May 2, 2008

What is everyone in this picture thinking?

Winner will not be chosen until MONDAY!. To whom much time is given, much is expected.

Talking Heads Friday!

A Look Back at the 90's: Evan Dando

Back in 94, Evan Dando was unable to sing at several concerts because of an overindulgence in crack (here's a great interview explaining in detail his problems). I wonder what this video is about then?

It's not European, and it's not electro, but what the fuck. The good ol' US of A makes some good songs too.

Latarian Milton for President

I just came across this video online. Apparently this kid named Latarian Milton decided to go tooling around in his grandmother's Durango a few days ago. The only problem? Latarian is 7.

Even after leaving a trail of disaster and possibly facing "just a little bit of no video games for a whole weekend," Latarian seems completely unnerved when facing the cops (let alone a major news crew). That kind of cavalier attitude is just the type of personality we need in Washington these days my fellow Americans. As a result, we here at the Dblog would officially like to endorse Latarian Milton for President of the United States (unfortunately for our suave hero, not everyone thinks as highly of him as we do).

Eurelectro Friday - J.U.S.T.I.C.E.

new video for their song Stress, fucking mint

Eurelectro Friday - The Richard D. James Edition

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Restaurant Review - Pianos

If you ask Mark Gastieneau about his first eating experience at Pianos, his eyes will likely go misty as he stares off into the distance and relives the first bite of that $5 happy hour burger he ever had. If you pry even further and inquire about the nachos, the calamari and the drink specials, he may break down into tears of joy trying to explain to you the joy he feels for this establishment only partially known for eating.

And so would I.

Timed perfectly to open for a casually late brunch (read: you cannot last any longer, are waiting outside at 2:55PM and considering getting a taco at San Loco to hold you over), the 4 hour happy hour remains one of my favorite choices for daylight dining. What's good here? Let's see... the shots (and bottles) of gin, the disaronno, the big juicy burgers, the nachos (with or without chicken), the calamari, the coffee, the gooey blender drinx, the friendship, the magic, the love, the everything.

Pianos: You're going to like the way it treats you. I guaranfuckingtee that.

Yeah, so I got tricked into buying a $3000 llama named Bianchi off Afghani eBay. So what? I'm just going to put it to sleep and buy in person


Cheeky bastards

DiSaronno Human Giant Watcher: Court Etiquette

Kids Show, Kids Show

Summer '08 will be the new Summer '06