Don't Call it a Comeback

Because we were never really popular, nor were we really ever gone.

Hilary Clinton: pissing in the well from which she drinks

Who is a vote-grubbing hypocrite? This lady.

In other news, buy Burger King stock. It will make you feel better than eating a Quad Stacker and four Spicy Chicken Crisps. Plus, it's probably cheaper.

"I may be barely tall enough to see over the podium, but my cock is *this* big"

A little early in the morning to see something like this.

Actual David Lynch? Reall Funny. Fake YouTube David Lynch? Not So Much.

Hey YouTube, this shit fucking sucks. Why is it on the front page? Is fake David Lynch the nephew of a Google exec? WTF?

Fuck TRIMSPA!

So you say you want to shed those few extra pounds that have been hanging around since the holidays? Well, hold onto your butts America, because your hopes have been answered.

Gawker: Late to the Table and With Shitty Utensils

Gawker pathetically commented today on a story that was posted on the Times' "City Room" blog yesterday at 1 PM. What brilliant commentary took this supposedly major media blog 24 hours and 23 minutes to produce? Apparently the writer-subject of the story "sounds like an incredibly nice man."

Thumbs down.

NEWSFLASH: The Giant Show SUCKS

In honor of the NCAA tournament beginning today, most blogs and websites are choosing to honor this annual sporting event with intense overexposure. During my daily surfing of the internets in lieu of doing actual work this morning, I stumbled across a hastily-organized spoof on America's obsession with the tournament. The fools over at the Giant Show have morphed March Madness into March Sadness, a bracket filled with 64 sad happenings throughout history.

While some of the rankings appear valid (AIDS and the Holocaust both garnering #1 seeds), the creators should have used some oversight with others (John Lennnon's death sadder than MLK's or Lincoln's?). Now I know this idea is really morbid and debating the merits of their choices is even more disturbing, but my colleagues MJ and Tony Ratslayer were as equally appalled by the omission of such occurrences as African Genocide or Tibet. Colonialism? Does the name Matthew Shepherd ring a bell? Oh wait, what about slavery? Yeah you're right, I guess Britney Spears going crazy was much sadder than hundreds of years of forced servitude. My bad.

Hillary supporters sing racist chant

Besides the unbearable fucking lameness of this video, the part where say they don't need "no bling" because they have "the real thing" is a racist shot at Obama, if you ask me.

Props to omnipresent New York media fixture Neel Shah for obtaining this video and then compounding the bigotry by making a homophobic comment on it.

Kristof Uses Bigoted Term in Column Denouncing Bigotry

Nick Kristof, in yesterday's Times:

Americans have typically said in polls that they are less willing to vote for a woman than a black, and Shirley Chisholm (a black woman who ran for president in 1972) always said that she encountered more prejudice because of her sex than her race.

"A black"? Seriously?

Gawker Accellerates Descent to Right Wing Mouthpiece Status

Gawker Headine: "The Terrorists Win: Harvard Bows Five Times (And Once More To Be Safe) To Pressure From Muslim Students"

Gawker links to an op-ed in the Boston Herald that jumps on this "news" as an opportunity to complain about Harvard's track record of allowing famous Muslims to say bad things at the Kennedy School and even, gasp, take money from rich Muslims. An article in the same newspaper covers the "news" story with which the original Gawker "post" was concerned and clarifies as follows:

"The policy only applies to one gym.... Because of its location at the edge of campus, it is the university's least used gym...

"The women-only hours are of minimal inconvenience because they are just six out of the 70 hours a week the gym is open..."

Nick Denton's no poor/dummy; he knows that details such as these can get in the way of a well thought out agenda.

Credit for these quotes goes to Gawker commenter "La Cieca," who notably asks, "Since when did Gawker turn into fark.com?"

UPDATE:

DiSaronno Paparrozzo Blind Item: "Which big-domed gossip blog mogul and university-hating right-wing firebrand were spotted canoodling together in the public sex part of Central Park (that's the north part)?"

Answer: Nick Denton and David Horowitz

Gawker: Older, Fox-ier

"Denton or Murdoch?"

The last two times that I took on the once-funny-now-illiterate media internets site Gawker, I criticized it (1) for an apparent reason and (2) for pretending it still matters when a TV show airs.

Well ever since a geriatric business enterprise mogul took over as head writer, I knew it would only be a matter of time before Gawker's colors stopped running and this golden egg of a "Love it or Leave it!" type headline dropped in my lap. Seriously though Nick, leave the cheap swipes at naive actresses and "the French" for Bill O'Reilly and other wrong-kind-of-white-people. They are better at it than you. I'm outraged by the outrage.

NYMag Hates Saving The Environment

According to New York Magazine's latest approval matrix, its writers think it's "despicable" to help the environment:

Shame on you, London, for trying to cut down on consumer waste. If we stop using disposable water bottles, what will we float on when the polar ice caps melt?

Di Saronno Muckraker: Barrelling Down the Memory Hole

The New York Observer is a minor paper, and fitfully so. Whatever the retraction policies of its print edition, its Real Estate blog clearly lacks integrity on this front. It has failed to properly notify the public of a retraction, perhaps ignorant of the power of internets magic to unearth their manipulative deception.

Compare this post about Parker Posey selling her East Tenth Street apartment and moving to 30 Fifth Avenue with this google cache of the same page. The key difference is the following sentence:

"Surmounting the real estate slump and the writer's strike to move uptown... sounds like the stuff of Hollywood."

Clearly this "Real Estate blogger" knows nothing of NYC geography and is incapable of using finding an address on a map. 30 Fifth Avenue is at the intersection of Fifth Avenue and Tenth Street, you Real Estate Retard. Clearly the Observer has realized their mistake, but their failure to print a retraction only compounds my outrage. Parker Posey moved crosstown, yes, but nary a block uptown. Consider yourself DiSaronno Muckraked, Observer.

Gawker endeavors to cover Television Media, but too lazy or stupid to use a TiVo.

"Tina Fey hosted the first post-strike SNL this weekend. We didn't watch, obv,
. . .
we just caught it online, the way everyone else will)."

If you just saw it on internets, it's not really Television Media, you stupid fucks.

[LINKEROO]

Gawker Really Sucks Now

This link says it all.