JESUS CHRIST!

How hard is it to write THANKS, America? I mean honestly, where the hell did you get THX? There's no fucking X in THANKS to begin with, so why are you adding it? Is it too hard to write five letters instead of three? No, it isn't. You're all just idiots who learned to spell using T9 on your shitty Motorola.

Now you're probably sitting there at your office desk right now, reading my rant, chatting up your BFF, and having a good ROFL. Well guess what America, too bad for you. Any true asshole like myself knows that proper spelling/grammar is the only way you're going to get a good, long ROFLATIO. And that's my rant for the day.

Warning, legal lesson

"DiSaronno" is a term trademarked by Luigi's estranged family. The reason we here at Dblog can use the term is not because Luigi knows all their dirty secrets, but because of the concept of parody as fair use in american trademark law. Essentially, you can use someone else's trademark as long as you're doing it to make fun of them. God bless America. Once you start to stray from the noble path of parody and into the muddy rut of satire - using someone's trademark to make fun of something else - that's when you're heading into a legal mire. So, dbloggers, make sure to take an explicit shot at DiSaronno daily. or take a daily shot of DiSaronno, which is kind of like making fun of yourself and also perfectly legal.

Fuck the Superbowl

Honestly America, this whole fascination with football is a little late 70's, don't you think? As we try and match the sophistication of the Europeans, sports should increasingly become more of an after-throught in the present moment. Let's turn our attention away from touchdowns and cheerleaders to a more refined form of entertainment. Yes that's right, I'm talking about the annual Puppy Bowl!! Watching a full day of puppies romping around all cute and such is just the thing to take you from hoi polloi to elite in my book. Get with the program America, because only the common few should really care about such a barbaric game.