Wednesday, February 27, 2008

When "The Dog's" Away, The Ice(heads) Come Out to Play

More than ever, crime in the 50th state has become more disgusting than an Ala Wai Canal cesspool after a flood. Violent crime is on the rise, as witnessed by a man trying to throw a security guard out of a 26th floor apartment. What could cause this spike in crime? No, it's not the warm weather. On the contrary, it's caused by ice. Apparently the following public service announcement did not reach Hawaii:



What does Hawaii need to combat this problem? Hawaii needs the hoarse words of wisdom of America's favorite bounty hunter. Yes, Duane Chapman's unique blend of tough justice, compassionate proselytism, and excessive cigarette smoking once graced the islands, and criminals were able to learn from their mistakes.

However, The Dog has been through some self-inflicted adversity. His comments brought on well-deserved castigation, causing A & E to cancel his show. The Dog was put in the position that his fugitives face, and was presented with the arduous task of achieving redemption through learning from his sins.

Luckily for Mr. Chapman, there were people who saw through his character flaws and were willing to give him a shot to regain his good name. It appears as though a growing number of people believe that he has changed. Perhaps more accurately, it should be recognized that Mr. Chapman's years and years of work repairing damaged communities in Hawaii and Colorado are a testament to the man's commitment towards social harmony.



It appears that A & E has undergone some change itself. The network has decided to give Mr. Chapman a second chance, once again unleashing the "Dog 'do" in the Sandwich Islands. Hopefully, Dog and his family-based team of bounty hunters can help teach some of the more troubled Hawaii residents that there is much merit to the term "cook rice, not ice."

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

this is a great day for all Americans

Travis said...

aloooooha!!! i remember that meth commercial on tv. that building was right down the street from my house. I think it was yo pop's place. my friend who lives in the mauka building told me aboot it. stay off the shabu shabu.

Anonymous said...

It was my father's building indeed!