Tuesday, February 19, 2008

A Proud Moment for Australia

Bonus Caption Contest for the above picture.

Australia has long been known as the underappreciated step-brother of both the U.K. and the U.S.A. Sporting emerging bands such as Muscles and the Midnight Juggernauts, the country has the ability to make people of all shapes and sizes get ready for the floor. Equally impressive has it been in producing good film and actors giving the world such actors as Mel Gibson (pardon his racism and alcoholism), Nicole Kidman, Naomi Watts, and Heath Ledger (R.I.P.).

It came as no surprise, then, when last year I unearthed what I can only call the sleeper for best film ever (forget Citizen Kane, Casablanca, Apocalypse Now, and Point Break): yes folks, I am talking about Aussie Park Boyz.

As the poster shows, this film has it all (except for and third, and, debatabley, a fourth comma for the tagline), including a cameo by Duane "The Dog" Chapman (FYI - after several viewings, this cameo appearence has yet to be spotted by myself, or any other viewer thus far). You will note, incidentally, that the plot synopsis is empty on the film's IMDB page. This is not by mistake. If the film had a plot, there would be a synopsis. Much like this blog, it appears to be an amalamation on incoherence, though in the case of Aussie Park Boyz, this train of stupidity takes on the form of fight correography and a tale of love.

One viewer's commentary seems to sum up the movie quite well:

"I have been analyzing Aussie Park Boyz, and figured out what is so strange about it. Most movies do not so vividly recreate the fight frequency of video games. Think about Fists of Fury, Double Dragon, etc. You fight about 5-10 bad guys, move on to the next screen, then fight 5-10 more, with absolutely no story of why you are fighting them. On top of that, there is always extremely intense music playing in the background of these video games. That is Aussie Park Boyz, only you are not controlling the main characters, so it’s just frustrating." (taken from Cinema Strikes Back).

Much like Sean Connery's masterpiece Zardoz, I found it very helpful to read about the film before viewing, and then again after; only then can you fully piece together what you have just viewed, and only after this can you fully appreciate how much of a waste of time watching this movie actually was. So go on, pick this movie up at your nearest rental agency (or anywhere that actually has a copy of it) and dig in.


Nicky Narcotica said...

You see this? This is my new fucking hair cut! You know what that means? I'm getting some fucking pussy!

Luigi DiSaronno said...

I heart being an Aussie Park Boy!!!

Firebird said...

Man capris. Jesus.

Mark Gastineau said...

Shit, I stepped in gum again!

Phoenix Doherty said...

I'm gonna get in a fight. You wanna get in a fight? What, you don't fight? What are you, one of those health freaks? Ah, go fuck yourself!

Anonymous said...

totally in my netflix queue now