A Christmas Story

Time: 8:30PM on a recent Friday night
Place: a southern suburban college town

I was extremely excited for my night out on the town with my girlfriend. The destination? Target. Before this endeavor, we ate at our favorite strip mall Mexican place, the $2 Corona Light special convincing me that oxygen was still worth inhaling. What was the objective of our excursion to this big box retail locale on a Friday night? I needed to pick up a few things. Most importantly, I was out of Duraflame logs for my fireplace- however I did want to compare the burn time on the Duraflame to the burn time on the much more reasonably priced store brand. I also needed to get some soap. And condoms (boo-yah!). And some asparagus - it was on sale. After spending 23 minutes in the dog toy aisle looking for dog toys that squeaked in a manner that would appeal to my girlfriend's dog's fastidious auditory preferences, I decided to make a break for it and check out the egg nog selection. I was excited about this. It's Christmas, and nothing gets me more in the mood to celebrate Jesus's knocked up mom ejecting him from her uterus than egg yolks, cream, sugar, and Evan Williams. With egg nog, Duraflame logs, and $15 dog toys in tow, we made our way to the car and then home. The Proposal starring Sandra Bullock was waiting for us. But it was going to be a good night, for I had, in my haste, forgotten to buy condoms... The end.