Monday, January 28, 2008

Liveblogging the State of the Union

This summary of the speech pretty much sums things up: the union has a state, and that state is fucking great! Highlights of this riveting event are in bold.

9:09 - Long standing ovation coming to a close. I'm reading a magazine.

9:13 - Something about saving the economy by giving people $600.

9:14 - Heinous joke about taxes. Everybody on the right side of the aisle clearly fucks farm animals.

9:17 - Bush plans to balance the budget by vetoing earmarks and telling the executive branch to ignore actions by the legislative.

9:18 - Still nothing about steroids although there's something about housing.

9:19 - Hillary Clinton approves of what Bush is saying. Obama does not.

9:19 - Bush blames health care problem on victims of malpractice.

9:20 - Camera operator just fucked up.

9:21 - Bush promises to fund private religious schools. Christ smiles upon him.

9:24 - Free trade agreements will save us all from Chavez.

9:25 - Your job is outsourced? We'll teach you some bullshit. Clean energy.

9:26 - Fat old guy is falling asleep. Bush wants to invest in "nuke-u-lur" power.

9:28 - Everybody is clapping for more science.

9:29 - New stem cell research good. Old stem cell research bad (kills babies).

9:30 - Bush wants to ban human cloning. Bush pissed that his judges can't get through.

9:31 - Bush wants to fund more churches.

9:32 - Bush plans to respond to Hurricane "Katrina," which has apparently negatively affected New Orleans.

9:33 - Bush proposes Social Security reform at State of the Union speech.

9:35 - Bush inspired by liberated Iraq.

9:36 - Plans to fight "evil men" and terr'sts.

9:37 - More discussion of the motivation of terr'sts, which is their opposition to our message of hope and freedom.

9:38 - Increasing troop levels in Afghanistan will enable us to fight the terr'sts.

9:39 - Terr'sts also in Iraq. We plan to deny them sanctuary. Iraqis rejoice.

9:40 - Whole room claps for our troops.

9:41 - Sunni militias now our friends, fighting terr'sts.

This speech is awful.

9:42 - Joe Biden: lookin' good.

9:43 - Defeating militias = important. Terr'sts agree that the surge is working.

9:46 - Troops ain't cheap. Bush withdrawing them from Iraq.

9:47 - But withdrawal will not be 2 fast (or 2 furious).

9:49 - Free Iraq!

This article about avoiding office faux pas is more interesting.

9:51 - Condi looks skeptical about Bush brokering Israeli-Palestinian peace.

9:52 - Iranian population "talented." Iranian regime better stop their "nuke-u-lur" program or we'll do something about it!

9:53 - No terrorists attacks because we listen to your phone calls. Dubious claims about averted terrorist attacks.

9:55 - We need to keep listening to your phone calls or terr'sts will kill you. Also, phone companies that illegally spied on you best not get sued.

9:56 - Bush opposed to genocide, mentions Sudan once. Also, Cuba (?).

9:58 - Americans are a "compassionate people" because of our "faith."

10:00 - Started playing Sufjan Stevens on iTunes.

10:01 - Bush gives a lesson in constitutional history.

10:02 - "GOD BLESS AMeRiCA!!!!!!!!!!"

1 comment:

Lt. Carl Loveboops said...

this is funny, especially the reference to a movie about ricebox cars that are speedy and angry