JDate rage

Darren Sherman was just a normal guy trying to get his bone worked, while at the same time promoting fiscal responsibility and women's equality. What he got was a flood of rage and harassment from a little thing called the internets. If you haven't heard about this martyr, simply Google "Darren Sherman", or go to this other inferior blog (be sure to listen to the audio):

poor man's DiSaronno Blog

"Yes, I test playground equipment stability. What the hell did you think I was doing here? Playing? I haven't played since I was in the second grade."

Well, our first ever caption contest was such a success this morning that it's only right we have another. This picture courtesy of today's New York Times article on staying fit and active in one's twilight years.

C'mon, fuckers. This illustration is priceless. Let's see what you've got.

EDIT: A leading caption has been selected but the competition remains open. See if you can do better.

In Honor of Burt Reynolds

Plastic surgery is becoming a far more prevalent trend in our modern culture. Fake boobies, trimmer waistlines, and jacked up calves are now all the rage. I know I for one have always dreamed of getting my own body upgraded a tad bit. I'd really like a wider palm, larger knee-caps, or a skinnier tongue . After all, a man can dream, right? Nevertheless, working as a lowly Xerox Monkey doesn't afford me the privilege of excess currency these days. Luckily, the Internets is opening new doors for the financially challenged like myself. Enjoy this riveting expose about a company called www.myfreeimplants.com. The most miraculous part of the video could be the production company responsible for this local news broadcast. Apparently they used to film Godzilla movies as well.

Ice Cream Is Going to Save the Day Again!

I just want to dance with my shirt off. But since I'm at work, I need to once again torture the world with my nonsensical jibberish. Or at least post someone else's. This important notice is just in from my beloved roommate, ChaCha Gruffenstein.

GOVERNMENT HEALTH WARNING
DO NOT SWALLOW BUBBLE-GUM !!

Defunct Forms of Humor - Dog wash and skullfuck, just 25 cents! Come get your dog wash and skullfuck! Just one quarter (use the coin slot in the middl

Update: The first post wins! Congratulations Anonymous, you have one a raffle ticket. However, since the winner was selected after the raffle drawing, you are automatically ineligable to win any prize.

Each year, DiSaronno Blog opens up its bandwidth to its beloved reader(s). This afternoon we are having a cartoon caption contest for the following picture:





A brief history of this picture: Nancy was a popular comic series from sometime in the 20th century. It is known for its strangely drawn characters, all of which having noses that do not come close to resembling anything human.

The winner (probably the only person that will reply) of this contest will be entered into a raffle to receive a free shot of gin tonight, courtesy of the Men's Steakhouse.*











The Men's Steakhouse: You're going to like the way it tastes. I guarantee it.

Newsflash: DON'T DO DRUGS

Unless of course you're an inverted centaur:

Overheard at Work

I want to put that bitch in a bodybag.
-crazy coworker

yikes

Liveblogging the State of the Union

This summary of the speech pretty much sums things up: the union has a state, and that state is fucking great! Highlights of this riveting event are in bold.



9:09 - Long standing ovation coming to a close. I'm reading a magazine.

9:13 - Something about saving the economy by giving people $600.

9:14 - Heinous joke about taxes. Everybody on the right side of the aisle clearly fucks farm animals.

9:17 - Bush plans to balance the budget by vetoing earmarks and telling the executive branch to ignore actions by the legislative.

9:18 - Still nothing about steroids although there's something about housing.

9:19 - Hillary Clinton approves of what Bush is saying. Obama does not.

9:19 - Bush blames health care problem on victims of malpractice.

9:20 - Camera operator just fucked up.

9:21 - Bush promises to fund private religious schools. Christ smiles upon him.

9:24 - Free trade agreements will save us all from Chavez.

9:25 - Your job is outsourced? We'll teach you some bullshit. Clean energy.

9:26 - Fat old guy is falling asleep. Bush wants to invest in "nuke-u-lur" power.

9:28 - Everybody is clapping for more science.

9:29 - New stem cell research good. Old stem cell research bad (kills babies).

9:30 - Bush wants to ban human cloning. Bush pissed that his judges can't get through.

9:31 - Bush wants to fund more churches.

9:32 - Bush plans to respond to Hurricane "Katrina," which has apparently negatively affected New Orleans.

9:33 - Bush proposes Social Security reform at State of the Union speech.

9:35 - Bush inspired by liberated Iraq.

9:36 - Plans to fight "evil men" and terr'sts.

9:37 - More discussion of the motivation of terr'sts, which is their opposition to our message of hope and freedom.

9:38 - Increasing troop levels in Afghanistan will enable us to fight the terr'sts.

9:39 - Terr'sts also in Iraq. We plan to deny them sanctuary. Iraqis rejoice.

9:40 - Whole room claps for our troops.

9:41 - Sunni militias now our friends, fighting terr'sts.

This speech is awful.

9:42 - Joe Biden: lookin' good.

9:43 - Defeating militias = important. Terr'sts agree that the surge is working.

9:46 - Troops ain't cheap. Bush withdrawing them from Iraq.

9:47 - But withdrawal will not be 2 fast (or 2 furious).

9:49 - Free Iraq!

This article about avoiding office faux pas is more interesting.

9:51 - Condi looks skeptical about Bush brokering Israeli-Palestinian peace.

9:52 - Iranian population "talented." Iranian regime better stop their "nuke-u-lur" program or we'll do something about it!

9:53 - No terrorists attacks because we listen to your phone calls. Dubious claims about averted terrorist attacks.

9:55 - We need to keep listening to your phone calls or terr'sts will kill you. Also, phone companies that illegally spied on you best not get sued.

9:56 - Bush opposed to genocide, mentions Sudan once. Also, Cuba (?).

9:58 - Americans are a "compassionate people" because of our "faith."

10:00 - Started playing Sufjan Stevens on iTunes.

10:01 - Bush gives a lesson in constitutional history.

10:02 - "GOD BLESS AMeRiCA!!!!!!!!!!"

Overheard in the Cafeteria

"Can I have the fajita plate with beef, cheese, and extra sour cream? By the way, I have very small hands."

- Tyko McGee, after ingesting 3 spice jars of nutmeg

A Bond: A Play in Fifty Acts: Act II

Act II: The French Excursion

(Continued from Act I, which was informally known as "La Poutine"



GUY IS HANGING FROM A NOOSE TIED AROUND ONE OF THE EXPOSED BEAMS THAT MAKES UP THIS EXQUISITE CEILING

D IS SMOKING A CIGARETTE, MORE SLOWLY THAN NORMAL PEOPLE. CLOSE TO THE END, SHE FLICKS IT AT THE SWINGING CORPSE

D: Looks like it's checkout time.

SHE TAKES THE REALLY NICE ELEVATOR DOWN TO THE FLOOR CALLED 'L' WHICH MEANS EITHER LOBBY OR LEVEL

D: Hey tuxedo slave, I need a car to your nearest Moroccan restaurant. Let's make this be.

Concierge: I guess I'm lucky. I guess you have luck. I guess luck is. There's a car waiting for you. It's outside.

SHE SWIRLS HER GUN IN THE AIR. RUNS OUTSIDE OF THE HOTEL., POCKETS THE SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER

D: Salutations driver. Step on it, and step on it.

Car Driver: That's my job. I step on it. And I'm gonna stick to it.

THEY DRIVE WHEREVER THE FUCK THEY'RE GOING. DRIVER IS DRUNK. THEY SIDESWIPE A MOPED. IT'S A VESPA BEING DRIVEN BY A FLORIST. THIS VESPA WAS TERRIBLY TERRIBLY CONSTRUCTED. THE GAS TANK FELL IN THE ROAD AND HIT THE WINDSHIELD OF THE LIMO DRIVER AND ROBBED HIM OF HIS HEAD. THE OCCUPANTS SPILL OUT BECAUSE: WHAT OTHER CHOICE DO THEY REALLY HAVE? NOTHING REALLY. NONE OTHER CHOICE. IS THAT CLEAR? I THINK SO.

D FINDS ANOTHER TAXI BY GUNPOINT

D: Let's go to JFK and step on it. My boyfriend is in Paris and I really love him but he's caught up in the the DJ scene. For this reason, I need your livery services. I need them to be so fast, so so fucking fast. Deep inside of me fast.

Livery Driver: Whatever you want...Pay me and get your white ass to Paris. Good flight...not!

SHE GOES INTO JFK AND CHECKS HER BAGS. SHE HAS ONE CARRY-ON. SHE IS WAITING IN THE SECURITY LINE.

D: I just killed a man. Hurry up. I got a plane to catch. I don't have time for your x-ray. Do I look like I would?

Security Guard: I can call someone. I can make this hard for you.

D: I'm okay. I'll take my time. Sorry, I'm stressed out by air travel.

S: I see it all the time. Nice gun by the way.

D: Thanks, now I'll put my belt back on you professional woman.

SHE BOARDS THE PLANE AND FLIES TO PARIS. SHE GETS OFF THE PLANE AND GETS CAPPED BY HER PSYCHO KILLER BOYFRIEND.

NEWS THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE . . . FOREVER!!!

Amidst inconsequential headlines regarding presidential primaries, America's economic crisis, and Tom Brady's foot, monumental news has just surfaced that will captivate America's true intellectual elite. Yes that's right, I'm talking about the reunion of NKOTB!!!!!. Take a moment and let out your collective screams of ecstasy America. These grizzled bad boys from Boston must still have the right stuff!



Honestly, who would have doubted their return to fame? After all, they did coin the fourth greatest song for baby-making.

Di Saronno Blog Endorses Candidates for Prez

Democrat: Barack Obama



(For being a good candidate)


Republican: Mitt Romney



(For being most beatable)

Greatness of Songs Explained, Part 1

The Teenagers - Homecoming



This song is great because it makes fun of both Americans and women, which are the two worst kind of people.

Introduction to myself in the Year 2008

Eugene "Hugh" Dick. I've got a lot of issues with the heads of state. And I've got ideas to fix this messed up county. Healthcare and Change.

Millions of Americans.

I'm running for President.

Overheard in Ikea

"I like this... it looks so rustic AND it's cheaper!"

- girl about a metal bed frame.

"This looks like a room from a movie!"

- guy looking at the kitchen set up

"We need to get all of the same color candles. Otherwise it will look too decorative."

- woman buying decorative candles

"God bless New Jersey."

- nobody has ever said this

The First Play to be Episodically Published on DiSaronno Blog: A Bond: A Play in Fifty Acts: Act I

Daughter of the Congresswoman and Policeman: I can't believe I just did that. My parents will crucify me in the worst way possible. Jesus christ lof atter day saints.

Guy: Let's just jet off to Montreal

D: How about we peace and steal my parents liqour cabinet and sell it across border for a plus plus premium. Then we'll go to Quebec and enjoy the local foods such as POUTINE.

G: You're driving too fast. We gotta fucking chill out. Fucking coppers are gonna get on our ass in a big way.

THEY PULL INTO A ROADSIDE MOTEL

D: Fuck motherfucker. I lost my keys and wallet, you gotta pay and eat the cost. Swallow that shit and fucking be normal.

G: Don't worry about me, you gotta fucking stop shaking and get outta the car.

THEY CHECK IN

G: This carpet, it's a nightmare.

D: It's my carpet and you must stare upon it.

G PULLS A GUN OUT

D: Why do you always think that we should feel like this?

G: I really wanna kill someone tonight. It's gonna be you or the inkeeper. Make your choice. The choice belongs.

D DOES A BACKFLIP OUT THE WINDOW. SHE ESCAPES, KILLS AN INKEEPER, WALKS UPSTAIRS TO THE ROOM, THE DOOR OF WHICH SHE KICKS IN

D: Wow that was roundabout. Why don't we just get a room at the Four Seasons?

THEY CROSS A DEAD BODY IN THE LOBBY, HAIL A CAB, AND JET TO THE FOUR SEASONS WHERE THEY BOTH ORDER WHITE RUSSIANS

D: We really fucked that up. How about you pay more attention to me Phillip?

G: My name is not Phillip. I do know my name.

D: I do know knowledge. My boots are wet. I'm actually writing a book right now. And you don't know what it's about, but we just kill someone together. And we have a bond, a slight bond.

G: I know who you are. I saw you on the plane from Caracas. Granted I drugged you, but then we shared a life together. A fucking goddamn life. And now you're here and we gotta deal with it, so let's fucking think. So get your belongings and let's travel throughout restaurants.

D: Fuck yeah!

G: Yes rather than yeah.

Overheard on Gchat

"Wow, this has made the internet fun again."

Newsflash: WE'VE GONE PUBLIC

The Dblog is making waves in cyberspace. First facebook, then all of the internets!!

From the Atomic Wings menu:

Buffalo Chicken Wings
For the Sane: Mild, Medium, or Hot. For the Insane: Abusive, Nuclear, or Suicidal. Honey Mustard, or Barbeque.

Other menus list a similar breakdown of grades of spicyness:

Mild, Medium, or Hot. Honey Mustard, or Barbeque.

Mild, Tingly, or FLAMING. Honey Mustard, or Barbeque.

Not Guilty, Misdemeanor, or Felony. Honey Mustard, or Barbeque.

5-10, Life Sentence, or Death Penalty. Honey Mustard, or Barbeque.

Kelsey Grammer, Mr. T, or Charles Manson. Honey Mustard, or Barbeque.

Ho, Thug, or Playa 4 Life. Honey Mustard, or Barbeque.

2 Girls 1 Cup, 2 Girls 1 Finger, or 4 Girls Finger Paint. Honey Mustard, or Barbeque.

Homicide, Columbine, or the Holocaust. Honey Mustard, or Barbeque.

Sex with a hot girl, Sex with a barbed wire fence, or Sex with Mark Gastineau. Honey Mustard, or Barbeque.

Slight Pain, Serious Injury, or Heath Ledger. Honey Mustard, or Barbeque.


Bleu cheese and celery included. Wipes available upon request.

The Life and Times of Tyko McGee: An Autobiography

Due to the popularity of his letter, our dedicated fan Tyko McGee has agreed to share portions of his upcoming autobiography through our website. We will feature excerpts on a weekly basis. This first installment comes from early on in Tyko's life, when he was still struggling to find his true identity. I hope you enjoy it.


"It was the summer of '73; free love was growing up and facing the growing pains of a failed marriage. I was still a young boy, confused, disillusioned, and full of general guff. I was in desperate need of some tangible discipline, direction, and body shaping. Crazy thoughts crowded my mind: who is Professor McGonagal? What are kids? What is a dog? During the depths of a particularly tumultuous jenkem experience, I happened upon a sign: "Lieutenant Loveboops Wants YOU... to join his traveling circus." Normally, I would not think twice about such a sign, but the vicious fecal fumes in my head made it impossible to ignore. I instantly enrolled, hoping that this was the wake up call I so very badly needed.

My first week under Loveboops' tutelage was a harrowing experience. The nightly calisthenics drills and overall rigor of training made me falter at times. But, in the end, it was worth it: the job gave me 3 square meals a day, and a cot to rest my barking dogs. But I was so alone, day after day after night. After the first two weeks, I finally made my first friend, a rotund chap by the name of Doheny Jones, who had travelled in all the way from Pennsylvania to join the diving team. The two of us would secretly escape at night to indulge in our two hidden indulgences: crispy tacos and gooey blender drinks. This made my earlier tough spots fade into oblivion, until one fateful night. As Doheny and I were about to make our nightly escape, Lietenant Loveboops caught us. He was livid!

"Please sir, calm down!" I tried to calm him down.

"Lieutenant Loveboops gives the orders around here you scallywag maggots!"

I could tell that we were really in for it now. But, it turned out not to be as bad as I thought. Our mentor ended up admitting to us that he had a similar taste for tacos, but told us never to escape again."



Dictated, but not proofread, by Tyko McGee.

Great Titles in Porn History

Sometimes, there's a buggy. And sometimes, there's a cosmic confluence of coincidence. Coincidence? I think nay. More like an a priori axiom, or a universal myth anchoring the Collective Unconscious, à la my good friend C.P. Jung. Once every eon or so, it explodes to the surface, like a sperm whale twisting gloriously into the air, manifesting itself as the polymorphic enigma known as the Zeitgeist.

In 1995, a little site I like to call Craigslist was founded by a visionary named--actually, I forget his name. In 2005, a couple of down-and-out college grads in the only unchanged tenement from Little Italy's slum days conceived and began shooting a film that would revolutionize the art of cinema: Gregzlist. But they never got past the first ten minutes. Around the same time, some people I don't know made a short movie called Gregslist. The verdict's still out on it.

So imagine my astonishment when the other day, in the family section of my neighborhood video store, searching for a Disney classic to cuddle up to with a tasty Swanson TV dinner, I came across this.

I blushed and turned away in embarrassment upon my discovery before checking for surveillance cameras and pocketing the DVD. Suffice to say that I had a nice little evening with myself and Mr. Swanson.

EDIT: I should add that Graigslist is notable for one other thing, in addition to its artfully arranged tableaux of bulging studs, clearly culled from New Jersey, pounding Internet call girls in sundry modes and positions. That is the outstanding aliases of its film editor, Hugh Guestit, and another of its crew members, Ron Parfait. I think it was Ron, but I'm not sure. I raise my special-edition Disaronno-brand tumbler to you, gentlemen.

war de la mustache

aright aright aright, so i thought it was only appropriate that i debut my appearance on this blog with a disaronno-related entry, but i got a little twisted tonight, stumbled upon something, and decided that... fuck disaronno, i like makers better anyways. and i like mustaches like i do my mommy!!!! so here we go. this is a survey (so vote), for THE ILLEST MUSTACHE EVER:
A.
B.
C.
D.
E.
F.
G.

I Wonder Why . . .

He didn't wait 2 more days . . .

Lt. Carl Loveboops has entered the building

Yes, Lt. Carl Loveboops has humbly accepted an invitation to contribute his limited expertise on life to the DiSaronno blog. For his first post, here is an instructional video that will open your eyes to the ways of seduction. Fast forward to 4:55 if you want a quick crash course on how to be a gentleman with a lady when she has accepted an invitation for dinner in your home.

(please note that Lt. Carl Loveboops does not know how to post youtube videos.  Instruction would be appreciated.)

DiSaronno Newsflash: Two Tennessee Boys Caught Canoodlin'

Time to be spent in the slammer for lascivious behavior....

New Fan Mail

"Dear DiSaronno Blog,

Keep up the good work. I love your blog, I just wish there were more posts! My favorite post was the one Kerri Struggle posted. I want more from him. I want Mark Gastineau to post a picture of himself with a photoshopped mustache (given your creativity, I am sure this will be an easy task!). That's all the good things I have to say.

Your secret admirer,

Tyko McGee"

Dictated but not proofread

Official "Men"-u of the Men's Steakhouse

The Men's Steakhouse - Well Done Steak

Locations: Houston, Paris, New York, Duluth, Alabama, Milan, Asia, Memphis



Appetizers

Cheetos

Doritos (Cooler Ranch)

Entrees

Sirloin Steak - 16 oz. (Well Done)

Sirloin Steak - 32 oz. (Well Done)

Sirloin Steak - 64 oz. (Well Done)

Sides

Mashed Potatoes (Fresh From the Box)

Desert

Choco Taco



"You'll like the way it tastes, I guarantee it."

Who knew the scarf was so versatile?

Now it's going to take me an extra thirty minutes getting dressed each morning!

Haven't You Ever Heard of the Healing Power of Laughter?

The top 5 depictions of the Joker, as determined by me:

5. Cesar Romano: A very soft version of the Joker, Romano portrayed him as a prankster. Was almost booted out of the top five for not shaving his mustache; his redeeming quality was the commitment he showed to his facial hair.

4. Fred Travalena: You may be asking yourself who this guy is. To be perfectly honest, I still am not sure. Regardless, his marriage of Joker and Ronald McDonald antics from the 1989 Macy's Parade was just castrated enough to come in at #4.

3. Alexis Taylor: While the Hot Chip lead singer may appear mild mannered, their new video proves that looks can be deceiving. Received bonus points for having fluorescent green glasses in the video.

2. Heath Ledger: Always kind of thought this guy was a sissy until I saw him with a grin on his face. I am also pretty impressed with his character preparation, which included locking himself in a hotel room for 30 days and writing the Joker's thoughts in a diary. Kudos to you, Heath.

1. Jack Nichaulson: You have to love an actor that gets pissed off over not being asked to play a role 20 year after he first played it. The ultimate balance of wit, criminality, and make-up, he is able to portray the villain in a dark/humerous twist.

I'm only laughing on the inside, my smile is just skin deep.

If you could see inside I'm crying, you might join me for a weep.

UPDATE (1/22/08): To honor and remember Heath Ledger and his innovative portrayal, we have moved him up to 1.5th Place.

Berkshire Hathaway to Acquire Controlling Stake in Disaronnoblog!!??!!??

That's the rumor anyway...

Video Games: Helping People Masturbate for 20 Years!

My memories of this game seem to have become dreams. . . maybe it was all of the Quaaludes or maybe it was the fact that I have never played this game before. Regardless, who can NOT feel a certain nostalgia for Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards?

The game's protagonist even seems to have even given birth to a modern film. According to http://www.wikipedia.org/ authors, The Land of the Lounge Lizards may in fact have been the first "Adult Graphic Adventure," preceding DiSaronno Blog favorite Custer's Revenge. How did we survive before this important genre of sadness!

Update: DiSaronno Blog was able to unearth a trailer for the video game. Enjoy this. Firebird, maybe this will make you want to jack it right there in the office.

More Outdated Fashion Statement?

Today's battle pits the Monacle against the Tie-Clip. While both accesories once had crazed followings from Super-Villains to mid-level business men, both trends have fallen off in recent years due to recent fads such as the sombrero and zubaz pants.





























Nevertheless, it seems as though America's youth has sought to inject some fresh blood into modern fashion and bring back an old stalwart. After all, you can't keep down a man with a monacle, even the Monopoly Guy . . . well maybe that was a bad example.

5 Greatest Songs for Baby-Making

DISCLAIMER: "Desert Rose" by Sting has been excluded from this list due to its timeless and universal appeal in all situations. Note that DiSaronno Blog supports having sex to this song, but it's just as good when you're cleaning out your gutters, combing your uncle's forearm hair, or eating a tangelo.


5. Michael Bolton - Can I Touch You . . . There?




4. NKOTB - Hangin' Tough





3. Don Johnson - Heartbeat





2. Patrick Swayze - She's Like the Wind





1. Sir William Smith - Wild Wild West (was there ever any doubt?)

Collection of Images from Page 9 of the www.google.com search "10"

The title says it all, people. 8 images. 9th page. 10 is the search. While I selected and placed them in no particular order, I should say that my favorite is all of them.

DiSaronno Blog: Making Great Strives Towards Greatness

This shit plays Desert Rose now!

A Moment of Inspiration

Best of: DiSaronno Blog

These are the best DiSaronno Blog posts:

Well, that's it. It's been a great four months!

UPDATE: Gothamist commenter "famdoc" put it best when he or she complemented DiSaronno Blog, as an implied commentary to this retrospective, stating: "Nice blog. It reminds me of some of the detritus on that [Pakistan International Airlines] flight." No reasonable air traveler could argue with that.

Whiner Gets a Great Fare to Paris, Whines on the Internets

Though Pakistan International Airlines offered Gothamist commenter "famdoc" a fare of only $149 from NYC to Paris, apparently this complainer was pissed at the lack of silken robes and other such princessly amenities:

The plane was 12 hours late. They bused us to a sleazy motel in Queens where they served us frozen food. Although they indicated they would then put us up in a hotel, they made us believe the plane would be ready sooner than expected, so they bused us back to JFK. Eight sleepless hours later, we boarded a smelly, dirty aircraft that was stuffed to the brim with luggage and people, most of whom were going on to Karachi. Every few hours, the pilot indicated the time and the direction of Mecca and most of the passengers got out of their seats to pray. The on-board entertainment was Ben Hur. Seriously.
The food was reheated, frozen Pak.
The toilets overflowed.
Most of the passengers did not share my concern for cleanliness and use of deodorant.
Diapers were not changed. When they were, they were left out to dry.

Get over it whiner!

Outsourcing Has Hit a New Low

I wonder if he rapes children too . . .

Slight Problem Here

My hair seems to be growing beyond the point of office-appropriate, but I am slightly hesistant to have my ears lowered. The last time I had my locks cropped, the stylist at Supercuts gave me quite the butchering. Needless to say, I have a definite dilemna on my hands. I could shell out an exorbitant rate to have my head groomed by some fabulous man named Francisco, or I could endure the 2-3 weeks of looking like a young Dutch boy and head back to Supercuts. On the other hand, I could just let it keep growing at it's current rate and take up an excessive knowledge of fireworks . . .

Whisker Whispers

This is the definitive Top 5 Mustaches of The 20th Century List

5. Wade Boggs

4. Hulk Hogan

3. Keith Hernandez

(bonus movie: http://imkeithhernandez.com/)

2. Burt Reynolds

1. Tom Selleck

BONUS VIDEO: Magnum P.I. Theme

<

Meth X

I think
this is what may explain

Hillary Clinton Wins (?) Minor State of New Hampshire

Semi-Public Announcement

Let all people be made aware that the DiSaronno Blog's administrators strictly prohibit the site's authors from simply re-posting old posts. In an effort to maintain the high level of journalism quality, all authors are required to use new and original ideas and themes with each optional post they create. Anything less would be uncivilized.