Top 5 Non-Video Game Toys From the Early '90s

Because really, who wouldn't put Nintendo/Sega Genesis/Super Nintendo/Gameboy/Video Game Watches on this list. We needed a little more diversity.

5. Micro Machines: Perfect tiny little cars that were smaller than Hot Wheels, so they were easily lost. Also, who could forget this fast-talking guy on the Micro Machines commercial?

4. Skip-it: The fact that this was popular is further proof that children often behave in a similar manner to someone who is stoned. Flashing lights, repetitive jumping, and an ankle monitor? Sounds like something invented by this guy.

3. G.I. Joe: Really, this spot goes to several action figures (Battle Beasts Voltron, and T.M.N.T. among others). Some of these were not from the early '90s, but still deserve credit for making so many boys play with "action figures" that were really just dolls disguised as tough looking characters. Regardless, they were a lot of fun.

2. Koosh Balls : Really, who didn't have one of these? Who ever thought that a day-glow, rubber-tentacled version of a simple ball could infatuate so many people? It did have two drawbacks: (1) when wet, the rubber filaments would stick together; and (2) the rubber filaments would often get stretched out, thus becoming nonuniform in length.

1. Nerf Gun (any type): It was always so much fun annoying your friends by repeatedly shooting the Nerf darts at them, knowing very well that you could not hurt them, but you could drive them to want to hurt you. The drawback was that the darts would often get bent, and thus shooting accuracy was compromised.

Haven't You Ever Heard of the Healing Power of Laughter?

The top 5 depictions of the Joker, as determined by me:

5. Cesar Romano: A very soft version of the Joker, Romano portrayed him as a prankster. Was almost booted out of the top five for not shaving his mustache; his redeeming quality was the commitment he showed to his facial hair.

4. Fred Travalena: You may be asking yourself who this guy is. To be perfectly honest, I still am not sure. Regardless, his marriage of Joker and Ronald McDonald antics from the 1989 Macy's Parade was just castrated enough to come in at #4.

3. Alexis Taylor: While the Hot Chip lead singer may appear mild mannered, their new video proves that looks can be deceiving. Received bonus points for having fluorescent green glasses in the video.

2. Heath Ledger: Always kind of thought this guy was a sissy until I saw him with a grin on his face. I am also pretty impressed with his character preparation, which included locking himself in a hotel room for 30 days and writing the Joker's thoughts in a diary. Kudos to you, Heath.

1. Jack Nichaulson: You have to love an actor that gets pissed off over not being asked to play a role 20 year after he first played it. The ultimate balance of wit, criminality, and make-up, he is able to portray the villain in a dark/humerous twist.

I'm only laughing on the inside, my smile is just skin deep.

If you could see inside I'm crying, you might join me for a weep.

UPDATE (1/22/08): To honor and remember Heath Ledger and his innovative portrayal, we have moved him up to 1.5th Place.

5 Greatest Songs for Baby-Making

DISCLAIMER: "Desert Rose" by Sting has been excluded from this list due to its timeless and universal appeal in all situations. Note that DiSaronno Blog supports having sex to this song, but it's just as good when you're cleaning out your gutters, combing your uncle's forearm hair, or eating a tangelo.


5. Michael Bolton - Can I Touch You . . . There?




4. NKOTB - Hangin' Tough





3. Don Johnson - Heartbeat





2. Patrick Swayze - She's Like the Wind





1. Sir William Smith - Wild Wild West (was there ever any doubt?)

Whisker Whispers

This is the definitive Top 5 Mustaches of The 20th Century List

5. Wade Boggs

4. Hulk Hogan

3. Keith Hernandez

(bonus movie: http://imkeithhernandez.com/)

2. Burt Reynolds

1. Tom Selleck

BONUS VIDEO: Magnum P.I. Theme

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Top 5 Worst Batman Villains

In descending order.

5. Clock King: I was expecting a picture of Flava Flav. You can imagine my disappointment when I discovered this villain was merely an old vampire-pimp version of Mr. Belvedere.

4. Captain Stingaree: As his last name suggests, he is insane. As his title suggests, he is a pirate. He is also in a secret relationship with fellow gay-pirate-villain Cavalier. Unfortunately, Cavalier is still closeted and has been blackmailed by super-heroes. That's right, our superheroes are now exploiting and defiling the lifestyles of our villains.

3. Signalman: After trying to make it big in the crime world, Signalman was laughed at due to his lack of reputation. Now he is determined to make a name for himself using the signs, signals and symbols that regulate society. I don't know what that means, but it sounds like he uses a heavy dose of reality to scare people sober.

2. Kite Man: "Kite Man was once seen defeated by accident when, in the middle of a brawl, Batman drew his fist back to punch a nameless and comatose thug of Two Face he deemed more of a threat. Kite Man was struck by Batman's fist and fell unconscious to the floor of Gotham Hospital, unnoticed by the Dark Knight." Yes, kites are for kids. No, they are not at all intimidating.

1. Crazy Quilt: Quite possibly proof that Jenkem is not just a recent phenomena, Crazy Quilt was introduced back in 1946. This Mad Artist leaves clues for his henchmen in his paintings. I still don't know what is more bizarre: that little factoid, or the combination/mismatch of this guys outfit and name. Wouldn't you think he would carry a quilt around with him? What does a quilt have to do with a painter? Maybe "Crazy Canvas" would be a more fitting name. Or, given his suit, "Bad Acid Trip." Also quite possibly proof that Bob Ross may not have been as harmless as we all think.