DiSaronno Blog Poll: Sudden Death

The impossible has happened: three gums are tied for first in the standings of this weeks poll. I'm so excited I'm about to pee in my chair, only to fill my bladder up with coffee again so that my bladder whispers to myself again.

So, America, now is your time to help make history. In the first ever DiSaronno Blog Poll Sudden Death, you can vote for your favorite of the 3 tied gums:

1. Double Mint

2. Juicy Fruit

3. Big Red

In lieu of a new poll, you may cast your ballot in the comment section of this post. Vote early, vote often. Stay up all night voting for you favorite. We don't care how many votes each person gets. [Insert Florida voting joke here.]

In Honor of Burt Reynolds

Plastic surgery is becoming a far more prevalent trend in our modern culture. Fake boobies, trimmer waistlines, and jacked up calves are now all the rage. I know I for one have always dreamed of getting my own body upgraded a tad bit. I'd really like a wider palm, larger knee-caps, or a skinnier tongue . After all, a man can dream, right? Nevertheless, working as a lowly Xerox Monkey doesn't afford me the privilege of excess currency these days. Luckily, the Internets is opening new doors for the financially challenged like myself. Enjoy this riveting expose about a company called www.myfreeimplants.com. The most miraculous part of the video could be the production company responsible for this local news broadcast. Apparently they used to film Godzilla movies as well.