Product Review: The Quantum Sleeper

If you lie in bed at night worrying about: (1) a pending bio-chemical terrorist attack on your home; (2) rogue winter storm in the dead of July; (3) somebody touching your private parts while you sleep, then there is only one way to ensure a perfect slumber. Forget heavy drinking, prescription drugs, or sleepytime tea. You need the Quantum Sleeper.




With optional features like microwave, refrigerator, DVD/CD player, CB and shortwave radios, and a toiletry system, you may find that you'll never get out of bed again (but at least it won't be because somebody killed you!).

Isn't Nature Amazing?

Can't decide if spiders are more or less scary after that video.

"when santa has whiskey dick, who will come down the chimneys of all the children??," or "aw yeah baby, who wants to be santa's little helper?"

The best caption wins the title of this post. The worst caption wins a romantic night with Santa.

Update: It's a tie! This historic event will be celebrated by the co-winners co-headlining the post title in true Rocky and Bullwinkle form.

HAIKU contest

Since the caption contest is getting a little too easy, DiSaronno Blog is going to put a few twists:

1. You have to watch a video, which debatabley takes more time than looking at a picture

2. Your caption must fit into a haiku.

Winner will receive a cup full of frozen green tea.

Happy Shrove/Pancake Day!

We here at the DiSaronno Blog office (yes, we have an office in a building. Wait, no we don't) all know that it is Fat Tuesday. However, some of the writers (namely Mark Gastineau) were ignorant and unaware to the fact that it is also Shrove Tuesday. "How could one forget about this?" you may ask. "Is this a real celebration?" you may ask. Don't ask me; ASK YOUR MOTHER! YES IT'S REAL!!! Please feel free to post your favorite type of pancake, a caption to the above picture, or whatever the hell else you want to comment on.

For the Culinarily Inclined/Worst Recipe on Earth

DiSaronno Chicken

5 boneless chicken breasts
3 tbl. flour
1-1/2 tsp. salt
1-1/2 tsp. ground pepper
2 tsp. paprika
1 tbl. olive oil
3 tbl. butter
1-1/2 tbl. Dijon mustard
1-1/2 cups orange juice
1 orange, sliced
1 cup amaretto (this means DiSaronno)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Combine flour, salt, pepper, and paprika. Coat chicken with this mixture. Heat oil and butter in skillet and saute chicken until brown. Remove and place in a casserole dish. To skillet, add mustard, orange juice, and amaretto. Increase heat and boil, stirring constantly, until thick. Pour sauce over chicken and cover each breast with an orange slice. Cover dish with foil and bake for 22-25 minutes.

Recipe provided by Satan's Cookbook.

NEWS THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE . . . FOREVER!!!

Amidst inconsequential headlines regarding presidential primaries, America's economic crisis, and Tom Brady's foot, monumental news has just surfaced that will captivate America's true intellectual elite. Yes that's right, I'm talking about the reunion of NKOTB!!!!!. Take a moment and let out your collective screams of ecstasy America. These grizzled bad boys from Boston must still have the right stuff!



Honestly, who would have doubted their return to fame? After all, they did coin the fourth greatest song for baby-making.